New Year, New You?

I always hear the phrase "New Year, New You" just after Christmas and ending just before the Super Bowl. Personally, I love to reflect on the past year and move forward into the new one. However, one thing that I do not want for the new year is a whole new me. I have worked hard on this me. I have learned so much these past few years, especially the last one, and I don't want that to go away. I like what I have built me to be. Please, don't throw it all away just because the date is January 1st. Work with what you have got and add to it, take away a few things, and mix it up - but not completely brand new. A haircut is always a good refresher, it gets rid of the dead stuff and lightens you up. A few new pairs of shoes never hurt anyone either, but don't forget about the old ones laying in the closet. They have been through some amazing times that you wouldn't want to leave behind.

So, as you ring in the new year with your bells and whistles, in your fun outfit, bring that person from 2009 with you to 2010. She was a damn good time last year and you will want her along for the ride.

Mr. Right Doesn't Measure Up

For the past 72 hours I have been growing my new boyfriend. When I looked at him this morning he had grown a hefty set of moobs (man boobs) and one of his legs was shorter than the other. I guess growing your own boyfriend has it's pitfalls too.

I took him out of the water and he is shrinking as you read this. Maybe by the time he is back to his original size I will have met a new real guy.

Mr. Right

I hope that everyone had a lovely holiday. I know that I definitely did. Spending time with my family always makes me happy. Another thing that makes me happy - My new boyfriend. I know, you are shocked aren't you? Yes, I finally caved and finally found a guy who is worth my time and energy.

His name is Mr. Right. He is about 2 inches tall but grows over 3-4 times his size when you put him into warm water. He grows within 2 hours and reaches his full potential in only 72 hours. Magnificent! Can your boyfriend do that? I bet not. My boyfriend can also be grown over and over again. The good thing about this? When I get pissed off at him, all I have to do is take him out of water and dry him up. His one drawback, he is a choking hazard and is not for children of under 3 years old.

Mr. Right is perfect because he doesn't talk back. He is always around when I want him to be. He resembles a super hero and we all know that they are all pretty cute. I can also bring him with me wherever I go if I wish. He also conveniently fits in my purse. What more could a girl ask for?

Happy Holidays!

Running For The Bus

I am out of breath. I have been on the bus going home for about a half an hour now and I still cannot catch my breath. I was originally supposed to leave work early to be on a bus much earlier than now, however, I helped out a little extra at work. My horoscope today said that good deeds never go unnoticed so I figured that helping out was the best decision. I was feeling very accomplished until the point when I literally sprinted out of the office with my suitcase that is bigger than I am. I looked ridiculous running through he crowded streets with my flaming pink suitcase knocking people over as I went.

So much for my good deeds at work. Those were all negated each time I rolled over a person's foot. They can thank my family for that...they are getting some pretty heavy gifts this year!

Happy Holiday Fun

Yesterday as I got onto the train to go to work, the conductor said "Happy Holidays New York!!!" very loudly and with so much enthusiasm. After weeks of shopping and decorating and still not being in the holiday mood, the train driver finally made me smile. He jump-started my spirit so much that last night I even listened to holiday songs as I ate my dinner.

Tonight I have my work holiday party so I am glad that I finally got my cheer ;)

Last Day For The Sales?

All this week I was stressing out about getting my holiday shopping done. I was running around the city looking for the perfect gifts. I was also getting continual emails from stores claiming that it was "The Last Day." They were saying that it was the last day for the sale, for the deals, for the shipping, for the best gifts. However, I continued to get these emails all week from the same stores.

A quick note to all of you online retailers - Please don't freak out your shoppers by making them think it is their last chance to get the best gifts. It is just mean. You make us worry and stress over gifts when we actually have a few days left. Yes, we are cutting it close and we know it, but we are just waiting for the right thing to come along. And we also know that the best deals to be had are after the holidays, so don't try to fool us online retailers :)

Could It Be Fate?

Last night I lost my phone. The precious phone that I worked so hard to get. The phone that I cannot live without. I felt lost going to work today without it, naked almost. I tried to locate the phone online but it doesn't work when the phone is turned off. I had already gone online to deactivate it so that no one could make calls and ring up the bill. I had called everywhere that I thought possible, but knew that it was most likely the cab that I had left it in. Unfortunately, that is also similar to a black hole where nothing can be found and nothing gets returned.

Around noon, I decided to reactivate the phone to give it one more call. Maybe, just maybe the phone would be turned on and someone could tell me where it was. Thank goodness that I did! This very sexy sounding Australian answered. What if losing my phone was fate all along. My husband and I would meet because of this wonderful phone that I couldn't live without. The phone is so amazing that it would help me find my husband...what a great selling point for Apple.

Unfortunately the Aussie wasn't as sexy as his voice. Fortunately he returned my phone to me. Fate or not, I have the love of my life back. Yes, I consider the phone to be one of my great loves.

Match Date

Last night, as my Gay Boyfriend and I were having a drink and a bite to eat at Pastis, we began talking to a woman at the bar. She was meeting a guy for a drink whom she had met on Match.com. We were all wondering who this guy would be. Even though I had been on blind dates before, I had never witnessed one happening. She had seen his picture online and they had sent a few emails back and forth before they decided to meet for drinks. My Gay Boyfriend, the bartender, and I were all betting on if he would be cute or not - people do lie in their pictures and profiles.

Thankfully for her, he had been cute and she recognized him right away, so he didn't photo shop the picture too bad. When he re-introduced himself to her, she said that she had actually recognized him from a few years ago. He had sold her and her ex husband an apartment a few years back. What a small, big city! She might have made her crucial error there when she mentioned her ex husband within the first 5 minutes. Fortunately, he didn't bolt and sat down to order a drink and talk some more. His fatal mistake was that he talked about himself the entire time. He told her what he did for a living, where his family was from, what he likes about the city around the holidays, but he didn't once ask her what she thought. A "How about you?" or a "What do you think?" would have been polite. This just showed that he was a little too into himself and didn't care to know what she thought about anything. You could tell by her body language that she was pulling away from him, even her bar stool got farther and farther back. We didn't stay too long to see how it ended but I hope that lady ran for the hills from that self centered guy. Good luck dating out there, it is a big sea and there are a ton of other fish!

Cutting Off Communication

In relationships, it is tough to stick to your word. You say to yourself that you won't call. You call. You say that you won't be too needy. You get needy. They say that they won't get angry when you go out with your girlfriends. He gets overprotective. Even after a relationship is broken off, it gets hard to follow through with what you should do and what you really want to do. If you break up and cut ties with each other, it is the hardest thing to not wonder what they are doing that day and if they were actually having fun without you being there. However, that is exactly the moment when you have to stay strong - your moment of weakness.

During this moment of weakness you may say something that you don't mean to say. You might hurt the person that you only wanted to help. It is such a thin line between being helpful and hurtful. So what do you do? You can't call but you want to. You want to be needy and available but you can't. You have to wait it out but the last thing you have is patience. Here is a noteworthy trick so that you do not talk to that person...delete them out of your phone. This way, when you are "recovering" with a bottle of Smirnoff, you won't "accidentally" call him up and yell at him or cry into his voicemail. Today my friend did just that. She deleted him out of her cell phone. I couldn't believe she would have such strength knowing that it would be very hard for myself to do the same and I asked "Really? Wow. That is such a good idea." She replied "Yeah, I deleted him out of the phone but made sure to write the number down in a notebook, just in case." My advice - burn the notebook. Cutthroat but necessary!

Cold Remedies

I was sick all week with a cold that just wouldn't go away. I tried DayQuil and NyQuil, Tylenol Cold and Sinus, extra sleep, and hot tea. Nothing was working. Last night, I decided that I was sick of being in the apartment so I decided to go out with my girlfriends.

We went to Sway Lounge on the West Side. Immediately when I walked in I could feel the pressure leaving my head. As soon as Beyonce's song came blaring out of the DJ booth, my nose cleared up. By the time Lady Gaga was playing, my cold was gone.

Forget medicine for a cold; I recommend dancing!

Anti-Jiggle Application

Apparently the iPhone can do a lot more for you than make phone calls, hold fun games and music, and practically organize your entire life. In January it will also be able to work out your thighs and ass!! If you think I'm kidding just visit the iTunes store. Apple is releasing a new iPhone application that helps fight against cellulite, wrinkles, and works to promote multitudes of other anti-aging wonders.

How can a little hand held device do such an amazing task? Magic? No, it is done through color and light therapy for only $2.99.

Beat that Botox!

AntiAgeingApp
http://www.apple.com/itunes

The Uglier Truth

Last night, my roommate and I watched the movie The Ugly Truth with Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler. If any of you have heard about it, the movie discusses relationships between men and women and how to make them work, or at least how to get them started. It also touches on what men are looking for. I found the movie to be quite hilarious but it also had quite a few points that made a lot of sense.

1) Guys don't like girls who call them all of the time. They like them to be unavailable and busy which makes them feel like there is more of a chase.

2) Guys like breasts.

3) Most women are neurotic or slightly crazy.

4) Guys apparently like longer hair (I think I discussed this in one of my first blogs). They want something to pull on.

5) Guys like when women wear high heels.

6) Guys and girls want what they cannot have.

7) The girl usually falls for the guy that isn't good for her.

8) Guys are jerks a lot of the time.

9) When a guy finally starts to like a girl, she usually starts not liking him as much as she used to. (See point 6 above)

10) Gerard Butler and Eric Winter are both hot (The two leading men in the movie :) and neither would be a bad catch.

Dr. Douchebag

Today I found out from my mother that my old doctor from when I was a child was arrested. Why was he taken into police custody? He had child pornography on his computer and was also charged with corruption of minors. Sick bastard!

My sister, friends, and I always knew that there was something fishy about him. The creepy doctor just gave you a weird vibe and never looked at your face - he always talked directly to our chests - and we were all of 12 years old!

This is a lesson for everyone. Like Oprah says, always follow your gut reaction (even if you are only a teenager). That is one wise woman and he is one stupid disgusting man.

Obstacle Attraction

For about 75% of yesterday, my Gay Boyfriend and I bitched about men. At first we were done with them. Next, we loved them. Even later, we loathed them. What is it about us that can never seem to find a common ground between each other? We want them to communicate with us, they want us to stop talking. There are so many games that a person has to try to play to keep someone interested. It also ends up that the other person has to play them with you too so that you stay interested.

With all of these games and differences and obstacles, how do two people ever finally get together and stay together? Do they both just have to give in or give up? And since it is so hard to even find that right person, what types of games do you have to play to keep being a couple. Maybe if a couple can get through all of the games and obstacles first, it makes them a better couple in the long run - like winning a prize at the end of a race. It just all seems way too exhausting. There are girls like me out there that run around and say "I don't want a boyfriend." Is that because I really don't want one or because I don't feel like putting in the effort? It is kind of like going to the gym...it sounds like a good idea, it's just so much darn work!

Bah Humbug

Yesterday I shopped all day long in the "wintry mix" that was super disgusting and cold. After being unsuccessful at finding all of the gifts I wanted, I decided to shop for myself. The second that I started shopping for myself, my mood picked up and then I found the perfect gifts for everyone else!

This morning, I went shopping for the trimmings - cards, wrapping paper, and bows. I found great cards but then they ended up being too expensive ($24.00 for 18 cards?!). I found wrapping paper with snowflakes and cute bows and ribbon. It feels good to be mostly done with the majority of the shopping but I am still not in the holiday spirit yet. What do I need yet? Hot chocolate? Snow? Cookies? Until I figure that out, I will be Bah Humbug about the holidays. Sorry guys, no Christmas cheer from me today!

NYC Relaxation

Tonight, since we got the "wintery mix" that was predicted, I didn't feel like going out. I had been holiday shopping all day in the disgusting weather and was exhausted when I finally got home. A few of my friends suggested that I join them to go dancing or just go to a bar. I turned them down to watch sappy movies and drink wine by myself.

Even though I was too tired to go out, I still had the nagging feeling that maybe I should have. I often think that way when I stay inside for a night to relax and regroup. I think, this is New York! I should be out partying, taking in the excitement but how much is too much? On one hand the argument is that I am young and I should be out having fun. I have the rest of my life to watch movies and catch up on sleep. I also have a closet full of clothes and shoes that are dying to go out. On the other hand, while I am young, I still need to relax at least a little. Yes, I feel like I might be missing out a little because there are so many things to do in this city and so many people to run into. Do I just go go go until I can't go anymore, or is it worth a night in to relax and reflect that will keep me going even longer?

I did stay out last night until 4 in the morning, so I guess I shouldn't feel like I am missing out on too much.

Going Out Outfits

My friend at this very moment is debating skinny jeans or flared jeans. I don't think a guy or anyone else for that matter will say "Ohh she is wearing a flare jean, can't talk to her". This is a note for all of us girls who were taking too long to get ready this evening. It is very unlikely that anyone will notice, unless you are Lady Gaga and want to wear lace covering your face and balloons for a dress.

Get out there and dance it up, fares or skinnies.

Heavage

You might be wondering what my title means. Heavage stands for "Man Cleavage", men showing their man boobs and chests. You might also be wondering why I am writing about this. Not only did I see this on full display this morning on the train but The Cut reported on it today as well.

They talk about Moobs (Man Boobs) and Mipples (Man Nipples) and that the biggest controversy is whether to shave or wax or leave the chest hairy. It is true that girls have been doing it for years to get attention but is it really going to get men attention? Honestly when I saw the guy on the train with his button down unbuttoned to what was just above his belly, I was uncomfortable. Was he going to work like that? Could that be considered indecent exposure?

If you want a good laugh, read the article!

I Should Be Writing Holiday Cards...

But I haven't even had the chance to buy them yet. I have been so busy at work that I haven't had time to think about the holidays yet. I can't stand not being prepared for all of the gift giving and card sending that has to take place within the next few weeks. When I should be thinking about work and shopping, my mind has been preoccupied with boys...as usual.

Last night after work, I ran into Bartender Boy in the elevator. He was making small talk with me by asking if I was going home for the holidays. Through our short elevator conversation I found out a few things about him. He is from Albuquerque, New Mexico, he likes the puppy that he bought for his mother and is getting quite attached to him, and he is super cute. Well I guess that I already knew that one. I also might have heard more of what he was saying if I wasn't paying as much attention to his perfect smile and gorgeous eyes.

After we parted ways on the floor, I was so angry with myself for not asking him to grab a drink sometime. I was a little too nervous to ask him, which I normally do not have a problem doing. When I talked to my friend about it she immediately said "Shouldn't he ask you?" At first, I was taken aback by the comment and thinking that this is 2009 almost 2010, it is time for girls to ask the guys out but then I had another thought. There is something to say for the old school way of doing things. If he were to ask me to hang out with him, then I would know for sure that he is interested and I wouldn't be second guessing myself and it would just be sweet in general. Then another thought popped into my head. What if he is too scared to ask? Fate couldn't have brought us together at the Thompson Hotel and in our apartment building and then just let nothing happen right? Or does fate only bring us to the elevator part and then we have to create the rest of it?

Models and Cheeseburgers

As I was watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show tonight and starting to feel really short and fat, the show cut to a commercial. The commercial was for a fast food double decker cheeseburger. Honestly I think it could have been either the smartest or the dumbest product placement ever.

First of all, the dumbest idea because after watching 10 foot tall models strut their non-jiggling stuff down the runway the last thing someone wants to do is shove a double decker cheeseburger down their pie hole. The show makes you not even want to take a breath because the air might contain calories. I am praying that they just look that great because of high-tech television editing.

This could have also been the smartest idea ever. If you watch these models walk around in minimal clothes and they look amazing, yes, you might start to feel bad about yourself. Even if you don't start feeling depressed, you might just think "Well I can never look like that so Fuck It!" At that moment, someone might want to order a double decker cheeseburger.

Congrats McDonald's, Burger King, and Wendy's! You have just gained a whole new set of cheeseburger lovers :)

Online Shopping

I was just browsing the Internet for a Vintage fur coat. I landed upon this website called Mildred's Antiques. It seemed like a cute selection of coats, jackets, hats, and even teddy bears until I came upon the strangest thing. After all of the wonderful fur selections, a pair of Lucite shoes are for sale. Size 7.5 with rhinestone trim. Very good condition. $160. Does this Mildred lady assume that anyone looking for a fur coat or teddy bear would also like to purchase Lucite shoes?? I am wondering if a fur coat is the right choice to keep me warm this winter.

Trimming The Tree

Tonight after a long day of work, my roommate and I put up our Christmas tree. Naturally, my tree is decorated with shiny pink garland and sparkly shoes with feathers on them - yep, totally me.

Setting up the tree was honestly the last thing that I wanted to do tonight. I was tired and just exhausted from actually having to work after having a few days off to relax. I am not as "Holiday Happy" as some of the other members of my family (I know someone who has at least 5 trees set up in her house) however, I do get into the spirit once in awhile. After the tree was finally up and the garland, lights, and decorations were on the fake plastic branches I got a twinkle of that holiday happiness. It lasted all of 2 minutes until I got a sparkle from one of the icicles in my eye.

So much for holiday cheer. I will try again tomorrow. Maybe it will be better when I start writing out my holiday cards, unless I get a paper cut from them. The 25 days of Nonsense (Oops, I mean Christmas) begins...

Barbie Is A Bitch

I hope that everyone had a great holiday. My holiday started with Thanksgiving Eve at the local bars in my hometown. It was not without drama and drunkenness which always makes for a fun night. Thanksgiving day was spent stuffing my face with the best food ever. I think I gained 10 lbs. in under an hour.

Black Friday follows a day of heavy eating. Thankfully we walked around the mall and shops a lot, however, I don't think that it helped me to lose any of the turkey weight from the previous day.

While in the toy section yesterday, I noticed an old friend whom I haven't seen in awhile - Barbie. I have to say that she looks really good. Her lashes are longer, her hair is blonder, and her earrings are blingier. She now has the coolest pink bathtub, vanity, and couch and hasn't aged a day. What a bitch. I bet she didn't even gain a pound from eating her perfect plastic turkey dinner.

Packing Sucks

Packing is always one of those things that I dread. I was packing to go home tomorrow and I just honestly procrastinate when I have to do it. It isn't the physical act of finding my suitcase and lugging it out. It isn't a problem to lay everything out that I would like to pack, however, when I do that it ends up being most of my things. The biggest problem with packing is deciding what I really want to wear. I usually dress in the morning based on my mood (not always because I usually wear black and I'm not sad or depressed). I like to get up, see what outfit will put a smile on my face and decide that way. I don't usually dress based on practicality. If I want to wear a tank top and it's too cold outside - I just put a cardigan over it. If I want to wear high heels but I have to walk far to the train - I wear them anyway.

When I have to pack however, I am forced to decide what to wear long before I ever have to wear it. I also have to limit the amount of shoes that I place into my suitcase; they are so heavy! I hate when you finally get to your destination, it is the first day of your trip and you open your suitcase to put on that great dress that you packed and, oh shit, you left the perfect peep toe pumps that match the dress at home because you didn't have room. You had to pack the black pumps instead and they match but they just aren't perfect. Does everyone else have this problem with packing or is it just me wanting to have a rolling rack of outfits to follow me wherever I go?

Bad Date-O-Rama

Yesterday, I went on a date with Bar Boy. I haven't seen him in such a long time and he had been bugging me to go out again. I was thinking that I could go as just friends instead of a real date. I already know that I don't like him, so the reason that it was a bad date is more my fault than his. Either way, I had a boring time.

We started out by going to the Guggenheim. The last time that I went to the museum was with him also and I had sworn to never go back because I didn't enjoy it at all. This time was a little different. They had the Kandinsky exhibit and it was beautiful. The colors that he uses are amazing. However, towards the end of the exhibit when you just kind of get sick of looking at paintings with a boring person, you begin to wish someone funny was with you. I was hoping for someone to make me laugh at the moment when I got so bored. If you ever need to know if you really like a guy or not, take him to a museum. If he is a bore after an hour, then you know what to do.

Next, we went to lunch at Pastis. This is one of my favorite restaurants and once again, I didn't really enjoy it because I was so bored and had used up everything I had to say at the exhibit. After lunch, he decides that he wants to go shopping. Normally when I hear the word shopping I want to jump for joy. Instead, I wanted to hop in a cab and run away. Thankfully we only went to one store and then I went home.

I did 3 of my very favorite things, look at art, eat, and shop, and didn't enjoy any of them. Needless to say, I will not be hanging out with Bar Boy again. For all of you girls out there going on a date with a person that you already know that you do not like, in can sometimes be more painful that going on a date with a person you end up not liking during the first date.

A Gay Man Goes To A Straight Strip Club

Last night I traveled uptown to hang out with some friends and see a movie. Before the movie, we all sat around and had pizza and wine and great conversation. My gay boyfriend was there and as usual he was telling us his hilarious stories (his are ten times more ridiculous than mine)! Since his story was so funny, I am re-telling it for all of the rest of you.

My gay boyfriend was in NYC a few years ago for Fashion Week and ended up going to a strip club with a bunch of his straight guy friends. He was just sitting and listening to the music and having drinks. One of the girls came up to him and sat on his lap, asking if he liked the song. He of course agreed and loved the song. She was talking to him about fashion week and clothes and the music and he was enjoying the conversation. After awhile she was telling him that they had a bathtub with bubbles downstairs. Since he had been drinking heavily, he thought this sounded like so much fun and couldn't understand why his straight guy friends didn't think that this was a good idea. Later, my gay boyfriend was off dancing and the stripper had come up to his friends. She said to them "Hey, your friend owes me $80." My gay boyfriend had no idea that the stripper who talked to him about fashion and clothes charged by song and that by just sitting on his lap and talking to him, she was working and charging him for it.

This is why I love my gay boyfriend so much. He loves clothing, fashion, and dancing so much that he doesn't even realize when a stripper is trying to make money off of him. Thankfully for the stripper, his friends thought the entire thing was so funny that it was worth the money. How in the world she couldn't tell that he was gay is beyond me. That also makes the story so ridiculous. She either knew and didn't care or had no idea that the guy talking about fashion and Britney Spears was gay...yeah, she probably knew what she was doing.

Bracelets And Boyfriends

Last night, I went to Ulysses downtown with a friend. When we got there the place was packed, and packed with a ton of cute guys. We sat down at the bar and had a beer. Not too long after we sat down, a guy came over and sat right next to us. He was obviously plastered and he thankfully made sure to order a glass of water with the shots that be bought for us.

He was saying that he thought I was really cute and blah, blah, blah, drunken slurs but that he knew I had a boyfriend. I asked him why he thought that I had a boyfriend because I don't have one. He said "Well you obviously have a boyfriend because you have a lot of bracelets on!" and pointed to my wrist where I was wearing 6 silver bracelets of all different sizes and shapes. I laughed at him and thought that it was the silliest reasoning. It wasn't like I was wearing one of those heart necklaces that boyfriends usually get for girlfriends. I explained to him that 3 of them were from my mother, 2 from my best friend, and one from my grandmother...obviously they are not boyfriends. I thought that it was the funniest thing for him to think I had a significant other based on my jewelry.

Elevator Amazingness

Nothing makes a hard day instantly better like seeing a hot guy in the elevator. I stepped into the elevator, looked up, and saw the cutest little puppy ever. I smiled and then his owner said "Hi, how are you?" in the way that someone says when they actually know you. When I looked up at him, I noticed that it was the super cute bartender from the Thompson Hotel that I met exactly a month ago. He was standing there holding a dachshund puppy that I instantly said was sooo cute. I told him that my mom has 3 of them and absolutely loves them. He then said that he just got the dog as a gift for his mother. OMG could he get any cuter and sweeter?

Bartender Boy, which he shall now be named, has been haunting my thoughts ever since I met him. He is so gorgeous and nice. When I met him, he was obviously bartending and ended up buying me my drinks. Now he goes and buys a dog for his mother? I mean, honestly, so sweet. I decided that I had to call my mother right away and tell her about my elevator ride. She is so excited about the dog and the guy but then she asks a very valid question..."What if he is gay?" This instantly bursts my bubble as I wonder if he plays for the other team or not. It has happened to me one too many times that I think gay men are straight and vice versa. The "What if he is gay" question brings up others. What if he actually bought the dog for his girlfriend and then that makes him a total jerk face and a scum bag? What if he just bought the dog for himself and made up the story to seem cuter? Well I have to say that the story worked if it was a story.

Since there were so many other girls in the elevator I didn't really get to talk to him myself. I would have liked to ask him to hang out sometime but didn't get the chance. As we parted ways in the hallway, he said "It was nice to see you." I responded with "It was so nice to see you too." I'm just a few sentences closer to asking him to grab a drink with me ;)

Pondering A Push-Up

Victoria's Secret has been playing a new commercial that advertises a Miraculous Push-up bra. They claim that it instantly ads 2 cup sizes. Personally, I haven't tried it on yet, but they definitely have intrigued me with these commercials. Two whole cup sizes in one bra! Do they mean one full cup size for each boob?

Is it a mean thing to wear a push up bra on a date? I guess that you always want to put your best foot, umm I mean boob, forward but is it tricking the guy? After awhile and a lot more dates he will eventually figure out that your lovely push up bra is actually helping you fake him out. He shouldn't be too mad for "lying" to him, however, he might be a little disappointed. When your super sexy C cup miraculously turns into a cute A, he might begin to wonder about you. What else are you hiding? Are you secretly crazy? Do you write about him in a secret blog? Eventually he will find it all out. It is always good to be up front about things, however, push up bras aren't really lying - just fibbing a little.

Only 3 Minutes?!

I just read an article that was run on MSN today. It is by Helen Fisher, PHD and was originally written for O, The Oprah Magazine. This article blows my mind but anything that Oprah has in her magazine has got to be true right? The article states that in up to 3 minutes of meeting a person, we have already decided if they could be a good partner for us. They base this on physical appearance, voice, and the person's words. I can understand that for sure, but 3 minutes?! That is just so fast. I guess that I don't really believe in love at first sight then.

The article states that "we are built to instantly size up a potential partner, an intuitive skill that likely developed millions of years ago as our forebears struggled to rapidly sort friends from enemies." That sentence makes me think of cave men and women looking at each other and thinking "Wow, love those loin cloths and random pieces of leaves that he is wearing" and "Yeah, her voice doesn't sound as manly as my father's. I guess I won't have to club her to death." I guess that personally I make judgements about people instantly but for me, I think it takes time to really get to know someone. I have liked a lot of people at the 3 minute mark and then really didn't like them after 10 or 15.

Another quote from the article that I found to be interesting was that "women typically regard rapid talkers as more educated and men with full, deep voices as better-looking than they are." So guys, take note, speak really fast with a low low voice and then you can sound smart and sexy at the same time! I wonder what this Helen Fisher thinks of accents ;) I know that I love them!

I Heart Football

I'm sitting at Sidebar in Union Square watching football. There is beer and hot men cheering. Is this Heaven or what?!

Blogging from the spot...

A Random Encounter

Friday night I went out on a date with Birthday Boy (I call him that because I met him at an apartment party when he was celebrating his birthday). We went to Local 269 to watch his friend's band play. It was so disgusting outside because it was raining and windy but I finally made it to the bar just in time to see them play their first song. I found Birthday Boy and his friends getting drinks in the super tiny bar. As I turned around to grab my Rum and Coke from the bartender, I bumped into someone. When I looked to apologize I recognized the person - it was Jeff Not Gay! I said a surprised hello and asked how he was doing. Jeff Not Gay stood there for almost a minute with his jaw to the floor. He finally said hi and then ran off to the other end of the bar. How awkward!

It was so strange to have run into him all the way down in the lower east side. The last time I had talked to him was on a date in the summer and I think that we both just decided not to call each other anymore. As Birthday Boy and I were listening to the band, I noticed Jeff Not Gay out of the corner of my eye talking to his friend about me. He was literally pointing and his friend was looking in my direction, not facing the band like everyone else.

Jeff Not Gay walked by Birthday Boy and I later in the night. I stopped him to say hello again and see how he had been doing. I just didn't want things to be awkward anymore. He said that he was good, he moved to the upper west side and that he still had the same job. He also said that I should call him sometime or after we left the bar "if I wasn't already tied up" as he gestured to Birthday Boy. I just said sure but didn't mean to really call him. I thought that was a little strange but decided to ignore it.

How weird was it that I bumped into him in the LES when months ago I had ran into him again all of the way uptown. Why do I keep running into him? I felt a little bad for Birthday Boy because it must have been strange for him too. However, he did a good job of just rolling with the punches and grabbing me much needed drinks! Birthday Boy was also a lot more fun than Jeff Not Gay had ever been so I know that I was hanging out with the right guy at that bar.

You're Not Dating Anyone?

Today, on the train with some new co-workers, we were chatting and getting to know each other. One woman was talking about her boyfriend and then she casually asked if another co-worker of mine was dating anyone. She said "No, no one really." Immediately upon her response, the other woman gave her a look of concern and said "No one? Awwww" with a pout face. Is it that bad to not be dating anyone? Honestly?

Thankfully she didn't ask me because I would have responded "A lot of people." I wonder what her response would have been then. I really don't think that her sad response was a very nice one. Obviously she wasn't thinking about it that way but it really isn't that sad of a thing not to be dating someone. It isn't the end of the world. It is nice to know that a person is comfortable enough with themselves to be able not to be with someone constantly. Just because a person doesn't have a boyfriend, doesn't mean that they are unhappy with that fact. They might be very happy, extremely happy, just dating everyone they can!

Group DInners

Tonight I went to a friend's birthday dinner at Dos Caminos on Park Ave. I had a lot of fun just hanging out and drinking and eating. However, why is it always tricky when the bill comes for a group dinner. Even though it was just a few splitting the bill it is always feels like an uncomfortable subject on who gives what amount.

Obviously the B-Day Girl doesn't pay which goes without saying. I am always happy to show the celebrator a great time. The problem comes when other people order above and beyond what everyone else at the table is ordering. They order the steak and you had ordered a measly salad to keep your cost down. They had the bottled water and tap was fine for you. They ordered the bottle of wine when you could have been happy with just a glass or two. That person always seems like the one to say "Ohh lets just split the bill in half, its easier that way." Since you don't want to be a cheap ass, you split the bill and move on. However, by doing that, you overpay by $20 and you go home still hungry.

What are you supposed to do in this situation? Do you speak up and say "I only had the mixed greens and one drink in comparison to your veal and 5 drinks"? Do you not say anything at all and just pay an equal part of the bill? Do you lie and say "I only have this much cash" and hope that someone else at the table notices that you don't really owe as much as everyone else? Do you just note that for next time you should order the steak and multiple glasses of wine and leave full and know that everyone else picked up part of your tab?

If I was a millionaire I wouldn't have to worry about all of this. If I was a millionaire I would be that type of rich person that just always paid for the entire tab for everyone. A girl can dream can't she :)

Screw You A$$ Face

I don't know why this happens to me, I am assuming that it happens to everyone, but I often get people who I haven't talked to in awhile texting me months later. One guy in particular just texted me last night and it has been almost an entire year since we last spoke. Let's call him Houston...that is where he is from but he doesn't have an accent, thankfully.

When I was out for a friend's birthday party at the Bowery Electric I was really fuming about the text that he sent to me. It said "Hi there." Plain and simple. I was furious. I am still pissed. Who texts after almost a year and just says "Hi there"? Houston just disappeared after the holiday season last year. I had met him about 6 months before that on a blind date. I had been so surprised how well my first blind date had gone. I had only heard of blind dates being bad things that are horrific and didn't usually work out. Houston seemed nice, we had great conversation, and he was fun. We dated casually for the next few months mostly going to extravagant dinners where he liked to order almost everything on the menu "Just to taste it." After last holiday season, I never heard from him again. I called and texted and received no answer so I stopped, with the exception of a drunk text every once in awhile in January.

Please note that December of 2008 was the last time we talked. Yesterday's date was 11/10/2009. Just shy of a year...was he catching up on old business? Trying not to play games, I decided to text back. Here is how the conversation went...

Yesterday

Houston: "Hi there"

Me: "Hey. How are you?"

- I wrote my text around 6pm and by 10pm when I got to the Bowery Electric he still hadn't written back. Again, I was pissed off.

Today

Me: "Your text was a bit random..."

Houston: "Sorry, travelling. Just landed in Houston. Things good, more of the same. Getting ready for the holidays..."

What the hell!! More of the same what? I haven't talked to him in almost a year, or did that detail slip his mind?

Me: "Well I'm glad that everything is going well. Have a nice time in TX."

What I really wanted to say: "Screw you ass face."

Walking To Work

This morning I had to run uptown to drop off my old cable equipment. Since it was nice outside, I decided to walk to work from the cable drop-off place which ended up being quite a long distance. This probably wasn't the best idea that I had all day. First of all, I was in high heels. Secondly, everyone else seemed to be in slow motion.

I was trying to dodge the slow pokes by weaving in and out of the crowds when I was getting overheated. I pulled over to get an iced coffee. After I payed $2.25 for the iced coffee that was advertised as $1.50 I continued my walking and dodging. At first I had liked the idea of a relaxing walk to work, however, I forgot about the wheelie suitcases, the smokers, and the protesters on 5th avenue. I was also trying to dodge the smell of burning breakfast coming out of the tiny restaurants. I always feel like that smell of burned bacon sticks in your hair no matter how far away from it you are.

As I continued on to my destination it seemed like the closer to midtown that I got, the more homeless and crazy people there were. I did however get more guys to whistle the closer that I got to work (yeah, I wasn't exactly flattered since most of them were covered in dirt or were holding a cup asking for change). When I finally reached my destination I smelled like bacon, was sweating, my feet hurt, and my iced coffee hadn't helped one bit. I also now have to take my shoes to the repair shop since I wore off the bottom heels. Who ever thought that walking to work in this city would be enjoyable?

Some Of My Favorite Things

I was thinking about some of my favorite things today as I was standing outside taking a quick break from work to enjoy the sunshine. Not just favorite things like shoes, handbags, and clothes...that is a given, but favorite things like sounds, smells, and tastes (I know I know, random).

My favorite sound has always been athletic cleats on pavement. I know that it seems quite weird, but it is honestly such a cool sound! The sound of a dozen or more cleated shoes walking across a parking lot always means that there are a bunch of really cute guys in uniform nearby.

My favorite smell is a really good cologne on a guy. It can be just about any fragrance as long as it isn't put on too heavy. The smell of a really good cologne on a guy can be intoxicating and amazing. If you can't tell by now, a lot of my favorite things involve guys.

As for my favorite taste, I am sure that you can see where this is going... Yep, my favorite taste is Cookie Dough Ice Cream! Honestly, any ice cream is pretty good, but cookie dough is definitely on top.

As for other favorites - Shoes, Handbags, and Clothes (not necessarily in that order). Guys also fall into that list somewhere too - but definitely not before the shoes :)

Daylight Savings

I had a wonderful weekend in the city with my parents. They came to visit and we had a bunch of great dinners and lunches, went to a museum and even watched the commissioning of the USS New York. Even though it was a memorable weekend, I do have a few complaints. My first complaint about the whole weekend was that it got dark wayyy too early. At 5:00 tonight, it was pitch black outside. It's 8:00 now and I feel like I should have been in bed hours ago.

I understand that Daylight Savings is to have daylight during the earlier hours for farmers and other people who have to get up at the crack of dawn. However, I am sleeping at that point in time. I personally would rather wake up in the dark and have at least one extra hour of daylight at the end of the day than at the beginning. Why do they call it Daylight Savings? Honestly, who are they saving the daylight for?? Vampires? (Everyone seems to have an obsession with them as of late so who knows). I feel like by the time midnight rolls around it is going to be light outside again.

Besides having limited amounts of daylight today, it was also up to 70 degrees outside. I am not complaining about the climate confusion today because I do like the warmth, however, I don't like it to be over 65 and sunny when I am wearing a heavy sweater. What is all of this going on? As I was shopping and walking around the city I am seeing girls running around in shorts and t-shirts while there are winter coats sitting abandoned on the store racks.

That is another thing I have to talk about - those girls in shorts. I understand that it was quite warm today, but that doesn't make it okay to show your booty in barely there short shorts. Even if it were 90 degrees out, it still wouldn't be acceptable unless you lived in Miami. Please note that this is New York. Also, for those ladies who decided to re-wear their Halloween tights and leotards, that isn't okay either. Fishnet and bright red cobweb printed tights are also not acceptable after the holiday, especially when worn with the afore mentioned booty shorts. Just a few words of advice...feel free to take it or leave it (along with the daylight).

Technological Wonders

Why is it that cable guys are always late? He arrived over 2 hours after he was supposed to. It is now 5:30 and he is just starting to hook up the cable and Internet now. How am I posting without Internet access you might ask? I'm blogging from my phone! I love my iPhone and this new blogger application! Now I can bitch about the cable guy right in front of him and he doesn't even know it! Ahhh the wonders of technology...

High Heel-Orama

Tonight I am blogging on the spot!! I finally figured out how to post from my new Iphone. I am super excited about this but on to the post...

A few friends and I went to the Ace Hotel on 29th and Broadway tonight to celebrate a friend's birthday. I originally wasn't even going to go out because I was wearing flat boots. I was coming straight from work and didn't have time to run home and change. I am really glad that I went despite my shoes because it was a beautiful place and a really fun time.

Honestly, the place was packed with gorgeous people and I was starting to feel a bit self conscious because I didn't have high shoes on. All I needed was an inch, at least! I feel like high heels make me feel sexier and more confident.

We also discussed how taller women generally get more attention. I'm not sure if that is because they are higher and can see eye to eye with other men or if they look more like models. It seems to be the same with blondes. The light must just reflect off of their hair brighter to catch the attention of men, or else they just resemble the playboy bunnies on tv!

No matter what and even though I might have felt a bit uncomfortable, I still enjoy being 5'2" with brown hair. I'm like a little secret weapon...you might not notice me at first but I will take you by surprise! However, I will usually be wearing high heels!!

Judging A Man By His Bathroom

Last weekend, my friends and I were discussing the different things that we use to judge if a guy is a good guy or not. We listed general politeness such as "Please" and "Thank you" and opening car doors and being nice to old ladies - including their mothers. We also listed being driven, hardworking, and fun. One thing that I hadn't thought of before that was mentioned was "having a clean bathroom." My friend mentioned that if they ever got to that stage with a guy that they got to their apartment or home, they made an immediate be-line for the bathroom. When finally in the bathroom the inspection would occur. Is the sink clean, the toilet sparkling, and the mirrors shiny? If not, the guy would be written off as someone that wasn't suitable.

You might think at first that this judgement sounds harsh or irrational. However, when you really think about it, do you want to go any further with a guy that has a dirty toilet? I think not. Also, you already know that he hasn't learned how to clean up for himself so do you want to be the one to teach him? I think not. You might reconsider a little if he profusely apologizes for the lapse of cleaning of the bathroom or his apartment due to his roommate, his late hours at work, his trip to Mexico that he just got back from a day ago. However, if there are no apologies made you might as well consider him not worth your time. Don't deal with a guy that you will have to train to clean up after himself. You will have to train him to do other things along the way - scrubbing the tub isn't one of them!

The Lulu Smack Down

Today, after my friend asked how I really felt about Meat Head, I really thought hard about it. Unfortunately, I still couldn't really decide how I felt so I decided to list a few things that happened on my date last night that I did know about him. After reading my points, she decided that I was performing what she called as "The Lulu Smack Down" where I tear apart a boy so that I try not to like him. Here are my notes from my date last night...

1) I saw that he had flowers in his apartment. I felt insanely jealous at that moment when I assumed that some chick had sent them to him when he was sick. After I made a complete ass out of him for having pink flowers (Yes, I'm a jackass) he explained to me that his mother got them for him because he was sick. She also got him bright pink flowers because he needed some color in his life since his kitchen is pure white. Yep - I'm a jerk.

2) He told me that he didn't end up taking some test that he was supposed to take for work. Instantly he sounded unmotivated and I am definitely not into that. Motivation is the key for me!

3) Meat Head was really sad and boring after the Yankee's lost the game last night to the Phillies. He told me that he gets upset when his teams don't win. I don't think I can really handle a guy who gets upset over baseball or football. Is that every guy or am I doomed for life?! I knew that men and women were different but damn!

Do these things really bother me about him or am I just picking him apart because I am trying not to like him? Let's hope "The Lulu Smack Down" doesn't really smack down guys and that it just sifts through the good and bad guys.

Teenagers These Days

This evening I was on the subway coming home from work. When I got onto the train car, there was a pack of teenagers yelling and screaming and being obnoxious. After I couldn't sufficiently tune them out to my liking, I listened to their conversation. They were playing their Ipods so everyone could hear, screeching at one another, yelling, and pulling each others hair. Honestly, since when have teenagers been so annoying?

Then I thought, Wait... does this mean that I am officially old? I don't "get" or "fit in" with the young crowd anymore. Everyone else on the train seemed to be annoyed with them too, but they were also all over the age of 30. What do I do? I can't remotely try to fit in with these kids, they are so loud and don't make any sense. Honestly, I rationalized to myself that I am not old because I still enjoyed the song that they were blasting - even though it shouldn't have been heard by the rest of the train passengers. If I still like the song, I still "got it"!

Doctor's Waiting Rooms

The other day I went to the Doctor. I was sitting in the waiting room filling out the massive amounts of annoying paperwork watching the people come in and out of the office when I came across the funniest question. It was on the 5th page of a different document that asked almost all of the same questions as the others. Age? Birthday? Sex? Sign?..Sign?! What? Was I filling out information for an online dating website or a doctor?

When I re-looked at the paper that I was filling out, I noticed that it was to be submitted to insurance. Do insurance companies really look to find out our signs? Do Virgos get sick more often than Gemini? Are Cancers more prone to disease than Scorpios? What is that all about? Why do they also test our patience by making us sit there and fill out these forms. I know that it is called a "waiting room" but I made an appointment for a reason!

After answering what felt to be about 500 questions just asked repeatedly in all different ways, I looked around for a magazine. I saw the sad selection laying on a coffee table and I walked over to check them out. They were from March of 2009 or earlier and nothing was appealing. I instantly dropped the 3 month old Travel and Leisure that I was holding when the thought of germs ran through my head. Not only was the magazine old, but it had been held by numerous people that were visiting the doctor for any number of reasons. I instantly vowed to never touch a magazine that was in a doctor's office again.

A long time ago, I had seen a dentist's office that had good magazines but they were covered by a plastic binding. I remember thinking that it was strange at the time, and now that I am thinking of it again it seems even weirder. Yes, you can wipe off the plastic cover, but what about the 200 pages inside that aren't covered? The plastic cover also shows more fingerprints and makes you not want to read the magazine in the first place. From now on, I will be bringing my own magazines to doctor's offices with me. At least I know that I won't get any sicker by handling my own germs while they make me wait the unnecessary 15 minutes after my paperwork is complete.

Home Cooked Amazingness

Last night I had one of the most amazing meals ever. No, it wasn't out at some fabulous restaurant, but actually at my apartment. No, I didn't cook it! Are you kidding? Our friends came over to our apartment to cook dinner and have some drinks. The last time I had a dinner party at my place, my friends made fun of me because I didn't actually cook anything. While I thought it was a great dinner, they weren't exactly impressed. The dinner last night was fabulous, and it was actually made by using the stove and the oven...who knew? I did help out by cutting up the limes for the drinks. There is just something about a home cooked meal that makes everything taste so good.

After dinner we went to a fun Halloween party around the corner. There were construction workers, Lady Gagas, and Army men galore. Unfortunately the really sexy Indian was gay. Why does that always happen? Hopefully I will have better luck tonight. What is it about Halloween that makes people go a little nutty? Is it because they are dressed up and pretending to be someone else or is it because they are actually a little nutty and just more uninhibited in a costume?

Mansion For Sale

The other day, I was walking around the West Village. All of the streets around that area seem quaint and cute, especially because they are some of the few streets that actually have trees in this city. As I was passing by this gorgeous set of townhouses, I saw a sign that read "Mansion For Sale." I snapped a picture of the sign and made sure to look it up when I got home. I wasn't looking it up because I am in the market for a mansion (we can all dream right?) but just because I was curious as to how much a mansion in NYC costs.

$45,000,000.00 to be exactly. That one was on the high side. Some of the others listed on the website started to sound more reasonable at $19,500,00.00 - that is less than half of the price! It really starts to sound like a bargain huh? I wish I were kidding about the number of zeroes in that number. Some of these places had over 7 bedrooms and 10 bathrooms. Honestly, why would anyone need that many bathrooms? I guess if you were going to have a raging party in your new multi-million dollar townhouse you would have over 10 friends. Even if you had 100 friends there, would it be possible to really make it necessary to have 10 bathrooms. It never killed someone to wait in line for a minute or two did it?

One day I will have a ridiculously priced townhouse with a multitude of bathrooms that I will never use. When I have that, then I will let you know if I find uses for all of them. As of right now, I do not know anyone with more than 2 or 3 bathrooms that I could ask. Honestly, most of my friends barely have a quarter of a bathroom!

A Night Of Newness

Last night a friend and I went out to enjoy the small break in the rain. The break was all for a few hours but it was nice to not have to carry my umbrella for a couple of hours. Our first stop was The Waverly Inn. I had never been there before so it was nice to go somewhere new - new to me anyway. We had a few glasses of wine before we went to dinner at a restaurant around the corner.

The restaurant is on 37 Hudson Street but it is so new that I forget the name. It used to be the old Frederick's which just closed down. This new restaurant is only 3 days old. Warning, it isn't always a good idea to go to such a new restaurant. It is better to wait at least a week or two to get the kinks worked out. It wasn't horrible, however, it wasn't smooth running. The food was tasty but nothing like my other favorite Italian place - Morandi.

Another bit of newness happened when we went to The Standard Hotel. We weren't even inside for 3 minutes when a guy, a bit older, came up to us and bought us a drink, barely introducing himself. I thought this was nice of him so we started to make small talk. At around the 5 minute mark, the guy stops mid-sentence, turns to me, and asks "Do you just wanna get out of here?" I immediately responded "No!" and gave him a confused face. I didn't even know his name yet. With my abrupt answer, he turned around and went to talk to another set of girls. How awkward and strange! Beware of men who buy you drinks....they might only want one thing. At least I didn't waste a lot of time talking to him because I felt I had to since he bought me a drink!

Gymboree

Today I did something that I haven't done in months. I went to the gym! I know, I know...It's not healthy to not go to the gym at least once a week. I know that it makes you happier, etc. Personally I hate the gym. I have no idea what inspired me to go today of all days after a long day of work and running around, especially because I hate the gym. For whatever reason, today, I decided to work out.

Warning to all of you non-gym goers out there who are like me - The gym is a dangerous place!

First of all, you have to put your hair up and it never looks good after you run. You have to take your makeup off before you go (because I find that I feel less productive if I'm trying not to make my eyeliner run rather than focusing on running on the treadmill). Also, you get sweaty. You might be wondering what makes all of that so dangerous. It isn't the lack of makeup, bad hair, smelly thing. It is the lack of makeup, bad hair, and smelly thing when a cute guy walks into the gym.

This cute guy always walks in at the end of your workout, or in the middle, when you are looking the roughest. He sees that your face is red, you are trying to suck in as much air as humanly possible, and he knows that you haven't been to the gym in awhile because you have only been running for two minutes and 35 seconds (which feels like it has been an hour of pure torture).

This cute guy walking into the gym doesn't only damage your ego, he can also damage your rotator cuff, your knee, and your pride. When you see this cute guy, try really hard to resist the urge to turn around and look at him and smile. As you do this seemingly flirty move, you also lose your balance, slightly get out of step with the stepper machine and if you don't completely fall off of it, you sprain your ankle and strain your wrist trying to hang on.

So the next time someone says that it is a "good idea" and "super healthy" and "great for your butt" to go to the gym on a regular basis, think again. Your ego and your potentially broken legs will thank you later.

A Gay Night Out

Last night, I went to a party at Vlada Lounge, which happens to be a gay bar. I didn't realize this until I walked in and saw a whole bunch of really hot guys. I muttered under my breath to myself "This never happens" and then slowly realized it really doesn't happen - boys were kissing other boys. I was a little upset that I wouldn't have the opportunity to meet any new boys, but that didn't matter since I was there with a bunch of friends already anyway. The night was fabulous. We were celebrating a friend's arrival from Canada and there was a ton of drinks, laughing, dancing, and fun.

I saw a friend there that I haven't seen in such a long time. She was telling me how her and her boyfriend of 4 years just broke up. She said that they broke up because she felt that she was too young and needed to get out there and make sure that she wasn't jumping too deep before she was ready. I agreed with her decision and told her that I loved dating life here in the city. It is fun and fabulous. She asked me to hook her up with anyone who would like to go on a date if I run into anyone. She also cautioned me that she liked "older men." I asked her how old was she thinking and her quick response almost made me fall off my chair. She said "25 would be good." I began laughing hysterically because not only did that make me feel instantly old but it was also one of those ironic things where I was thinking that she was super mature and could date a guy that was quite a few years older.

Later on, when the party moved to a gay nightclub, I was dancing with my friend. I was one of the few girls in this club full of men who weren't interested in me and I was having a blast. As I was thinking to myself that I was having the best time dancing (I have been out of commission all week with being sick) and it doesn't even matter what I look like or if I have bad moves since no one in this club cares to date me. My friend that I was dancing with my other friends and I have always wondered if he was gay or straight. No one wants to ask because that is rude, but at that point in the night I was dancing and thinking that he was gay - until about 20 minutes later when he grabbed my face and started making out with me. I was so shocked. That kiss was so unexpected. You get a funny feeling when you just kissed a guy that you thought was gay but now isn't. It is a little startling and I didn't really know what to think about it. I still don't really know what to think about it except for the fact that he wasn't a really good kisser. So now what am I going to do about my gay friend who isn't really gay and just kissed me, badly. Dilemmas, dilemmas....

Random Things That Make Me Giggle

Tonight, on my walk to the grocery store to pick up the necessities (tissues, ginger ale, and Lysol disinfecting wipes) someone walking in front of me tripped. While I know it isn't nice to laugh at others, it was pretty funny. For some reason, I just find that when people trip it makes me laugh.

In the grocery store, a super macho looking guy was checking me out. He wasn't "checking me out" as in looking how cute I looked because my nose is as red as Rudolph's and I was coughing like there was no tomorrow, but he was the checkout clerk. Sorry no fun dating when I'm sick - it's a rule. So anyway, as he was ringing me up for my purchases this seemingly super macho guy starts singing in a very high pitched voice to Madonna's "Like a Virgin." I looked up at him, wishing he was just doing it as a joke, and realized that he was actually really into the song, singing it because he liked it. I held in my laugh until I left the store.

Because I laugh at inappropriate times at people who do not deserve to be laughed at, God makes me do things to laugh at myself. The entire walk home I was sneezing. One sneeze after the other after the other. I felt like a mess. The couple walking in front of me turned around a few times to make sure that I wasn't genuinely dying, but then they turned back around to laugh at me.

Karma...I love you.

Blessings and Blowing Noses

I know that you should always appreciate what you have been given. I try to do this all of the time. However, when you lose something, it often helps you to really be grateful for what you had.

I recently got a cold, an awful cold that is making my mother think that I have Swine Flu. While I do not have the H1N1 virus, I have a bad cough, sore throat, and a lingering headache. This cold really makes me appreciate being healthy. Instead of going outside and enjoying the mild weather we have been having, I have been stuck inside swilling tea and sleeping. Another thing that I really appreciate are the people that I work for. They only want to see me get better and are making sure that I leave work early and actually get better. Not everyone has such great bosses and coworkers that are actually worried about their well being.

While I recuperate, I will be sure to count my blessings, even if those blessings come as a hot cup of tea, NyQuil, and sleep.

Random Crowds

I mentioned in my last posting that we went to the Gansevoort Hotel on Saturday night. I also mentioned that the crowd was a little strange and I didn't have the usual amount of fun that I normally do there.

The first set of strange people were a pack of old ladies. It is not because they were old that they were weird, it was that they were dancing with super young guys from Jersey (I'm guessing they were from Jersey because they had spiked hair. They could have also been from Staten Island. Sorry if I get that one a little mixed up). These older women were getting their groove on. While there is nothing wrong with that, and my friend said it the best - "I hope I'm moving and grooving like that when I am that age", it was just a little odd to see them dancing so provocatively with such young guys.

The next "weirdo" at the hotel was a kid who said that he was in college for Pharmacy. You always hear about those people that are super book smart but they don't have any social skills - this was that guy. He was talking to my friend at first and I noticed that she gave me a look of despair. I tried to re-loop her into our conversation. The boy awkwardly stood in our circle and didn't get the hint and leave. Then, he decided to talk to me. He was a close talker. He was all up in my personal space and every time I tried to back up a little, he took a step forward. Then he continued to talk and said "So, I see you have a lot of girlfriends here...what is every one's relationship status?" I instantaneously let out a laugh, he was lucky I hadn't just taken a sip of my drink or else I probably would have spit it in his face. I nicely said that he shouldn't ask a girl that. If we are interested, we will let him know. If we aren't interested we will let him know that too.

After he finally left my circle of friends and I, we were talking about what he had asked. He specifically used the phrase "relationship status" which I thought was a funny way of asking. Not until one of my girlfriends brought it up did I realize that the phrase comes from Facebook! Not only does this guy have very little personality but his only social skills and vocabulary come from Internet social networking websites. Hopefully anyone that has a Facebook or Myspace account that is reading this post will make a note never to use online social networking sites to get your full vocabulary. While they are fun and useful for other things, that might not be the best way to get all of your information. Unfortunately, I didn't think into the hilariousness at the time, but a friend suggested that I should have responded by saying "It's Complicated".

A New York Weekend

This weekend, my best friend from my tiny hometown in Pennsylvania came to visit me in New York. As it always is with guests from out of town, I want to show them a "true New York" time. This means having a ridiculously fun and exciting experience in the city that never sleeps...and it also means that the guest barely gets to sleep!

One of the first things that we did was go shopping - duh. Did you even have to wonder? We shopped in Soho, midtown, downtown, and everywhere in between. We shopped so much that it hurt to wear high heels to go to dinner. We did anyway.

Next we had an amazing dinner. We enjoyed a prix fixe meal at Pasta Bistro Grill for only $23 that included an appetizer, dinner, and dessert. Drinks were also only $5. This is not a typical New York price, but none of us were complaining especially since the food was so tasty.

The next day of my friend's trip was filled with more shopping. Forget going to shows and museums, we were hunting for deals on all of the new fall fashions. After a nice dinner that we ordered in, take out is truly New York, we set off to have a few drinks at Hotel Gansevoort. I am no stranger to this great bar that boasts not only great drinks but also gorgeous views of the city. I often go there after Sunday brunch and have a blast with the crowd. Saturday night, however, was a little disappointing. The crowd wasn't very fun and my friends and I were just looking for some dancing. After a little while at the hotel bar, something very New York happened.

One of the girls that we were out with, had a friend that was already at a bar in Little Italy and we were welcome to come by and sit at his table and share his bottle. As I looked up the address for the place, Gold Bar, I came across someones commentary about the hard to enter club:

This place has one of the toughest doors in the city. Brooklyn bred Johnny boy guards that door as if it was his sister's purity. He has even gone on record saying that he has denied his childhood friends entry (I am talking about the bar here).

I can only say that this account of the place scared me at first. I didn't want to go to this bar and be denied access. Fortunately, her friend was safely inside and spending more money than should be allowed at one time on alcohol for us all to enjoy. The place was magnificent. The gold leafing on the ceiling helped to showcase the many crystal chandeliers and the gold skulls lining the walls were creepy and fantastic. We all had the best New York night drinking and dancing to an amazing DJ. I couldn't have asked for more fun with my friends.

We finished off the weekend with Sunday brunch at my usual favorite, Arte Pasta in the West Village. Thankfully we didn't have to stand and wait for a table for too long since we could barely walk from dancing in high heels until 3 am that morning. The mimosas were a perfect ending to an amazing New York weekend. I love this city :)

A Great Cause

Tonight I attended a fun work happy-hour that actually made drinking go to something worthwhile more than just having a hangover. A co-worker of mine is running the NYC Marathon for TEAM FOX - for Parkinson's Disease. He is accepting donations through his website for just completing the race. He is also suggesting that you double your donation if he beats Ryan Reynolds. Yes, THAT Ryan Reynolds - the super cute actor who is married to Scarlett Johansson.

If you would like to donate to the cause, or just want to get a kick out of a hilarious website, please visit the below web address.

http://www.beatingryanreynolds.com/

The website includes info on his mission, the Michael J. Fox foundation, and Celebrity Beatdowns (famous people he has already beaten). Check it out!!

Bitchy Baby Surprise

One of my coworkers announced today that she is pregnant. She also announced no less than 2 sentences later that she has actually been nicer to her husband lately since she is so tired and exhausted. She said that he was overjoyed when she didn't yell at him about something stupid the other day.

I am very excited for her and her husband to be so blessed to have children, however, I am also sad that he only gets excited because he wasn't yelled at that day. Let's hope the kids aren't the same way.

Ohh the joys of children...

Subway Stories

I usually see some of the same people on my commute to and from work on the subway. There are a few fun characters that I always wonder about when they are riding on my train or at my subway stop.

The first guy has super long hair that he always ties back in a low ponytail. He wears something close to a Hawaiian shirt in very muted colors and usually wears a straw hat. The most interesting thin about him is that he always has a different book. Every day he has a new title that he is reading. He must either spend a lot of time on the train reading or be a fast reader. I can only imagine that he has to be a super smart guy for all of those books that he has read.

Another guy is a common scene at Penn Station where I get off the train for work. He is always there between the hours of 6 and 7, sometimes earlier and later. He dances. Not only does he dance, but he tries to moonwalk quite unsuccessfully. He is hilarious but he is also glorious. He makes me smile every day that I see him. He truly enjoys his dancing on the platform to whatever music is playing in his headphones. He always has the biggest smile on his face as he is moon walking and skipping around.

One lady that I have seen frequently has her eyebrows drawn on. She has shaved or waxed off her original eyebrows and draws new ones on every day. They are always perfect. I always wonder what it would be like to not have eyebrows. What do you do if you smudge your eyebrow? Can you imagine being a little drunk trying to draw eyebrows on yourself? I feel like I would be the lady who always draws them on crooked on bad days or Mondays when you just aren't thinking straight.

There are always a true set of characters on the trains. These are just a few of the characters I get to see on a usual basis. They never fail to make me smile or make my day just a little more interesting than it would have been otherwise.

An NYC Visitor

This weekend, my sister visited me in the city. It is always fun to have visitors because you get to do very New York things. First, which should come to no surprise, we went shopping. Even though the tax rate in NY is more than in PA, you can always find better things in NY. It is pretty much a given that all of the really amazing stuff comes to New York first and then goes elsewhere later. With that said, she bought out the city.

As we were walking back to my apartment, she commented that there was a lady carrying a French Baguette. I said "Ohh was it cute? I didn't see it. Do you mean like a little purse?" No, a French Baguette is literally a loaf of bread - not a tiny purse. I'm not sorry. That is just the way my mind works.

Saturday night we went to Morandi for dinner. There was a guy there who had 4 of the most gorgeous women surrounding him having drinks. I am not sure if he paid them to be there, if they were all friends, or if they just wanted the free drinks but they were fabulous and he was not so fabulous. How do you think something like that works? Leggy, short skirts, bouncy hair, and 2 other bouncy appendages = You can have any guy that you want! I can't imagine that they wanted him but who knows. All I know is that my dinner was amazing and no matter how skinny they were, it didn't deter me from eating all of my Salmon and having the side potatoes as well.

This afternoon, we didn't do the usual Sunday brunch. We went to a party on the roof of the Thompson Hotel in the LES. I am still not clear on what the party was for...something about San Francisco and New York, but I do know that I had a really great time. The views were amazing and a lot of my friends were there which always makes for a good time. The best part about the party were the bartenders. The one bartender looked really familiar to me so I walked up and started a conversation with him (he is also absolutely gorgeous). Turns out, he lives in my building, on my floor, and just down the hallway from me!!! After he got my drink on the house, I sat down amongst my friends feeling very excited. I also noticed the chairs that we were sitting on were covered with a graffiti print that said "Men Are Great". I would have to agree with those chairs wholeheartedly!

The Real Yellow Mustard

I am hanging in tonight cleaning and catching up on mindless television. Right now I am watching re-runs of The Girls Next Door about Hugh Hefner's Playboy playmates. They were walking around NYC trying to get hot dogs from the street vendors, however they had to be with the "real yellow" mustard. They went to quite a few stands before finding the correct kind of mustard. I have to say that I also do this frustrating search every time I am hungry for a hot dog. It doesn't always have to be in the city, but whenever I want a hot dog, I want real yellow mustard on it - not Dijon, not spicy, just regular French's mustard!

Not only am I picky about the kind of mustard I like, I am picky about my men too. I am like Brigitte on The Girls Next Door in the fact that I will keep going to the next hot dog stand until I find the right one! I am not afraid to say no, refuse one that has already been around, and will gladly accept anyone that seems to be the right kind. Until I find that hot dog with the real yellow mustard, I don't mind sampling a few that are pretending to be the right kind.

Something To Lighten The Mood

Since I want to make people smile and laugh, I thought this little story would do the trick....

I currently work in Men's Fashion. Specifically, I deal with men's pants, denim and shorts. The past few weeks I have spent my time in the office looking at plaids, stripes, and different fabrics for our pant assortment. The other day on the train, I took work home with me. I was sitting on the subway, staring at some guy's stripe layout on his pants. Unfortunately, I was staring directly at his crotch. He also, unfortunately, noticed that I was staring at his crotch. He kept smiling at me the entire ride and I couldn't understand why he kept smiling. Well, when you stare at a guy's stripe layout on his pants, he may get the wrong idea.

Note to self...it is not always a good idea to take your work home with you, especially when you look like a creeper doing it!

Changes

As I am reading my posting from last night, I see that it does not flow as nicely as it should. There are also a few spelling mistakes. I am issuing an apology for Typing While Tipsy as this should not be allowed in writing. It does make for a funny day, however, when your friends email you to tell you that they could judge the amount of martini's I had from the number of misspellings. I can't promise that it will not happen again - and for that I am issuing another apology. On the other hand, if I never got tipsy, I would have half as many good stories.

Tonight my posting is about change. Is change good or is change bad? I guess that it depends on the perspective from which you are viewing the change. When things are going your way and changing positively for you, change is good. When things change and you don't like what has happened then you see the change as negative. That is an obvious statement that honestly doesn't need to be said, however, what about the change that is neither good nor bad? For example, the weather. Are people in Florida really happier because the weather is nice and sunny all year round? Personally, I like the weather change so that I can rotate my shoes in and out with the seasons.

Change also affects friendships and relationships. People change. This is another obvious statement. Do friendships and relationships always end when one person changes and the other does not? Do people have to grow at exactly the same rate in order to remain close? Why doesn't one person changing make the other person happy for them? It always seems as if that person feels left in the dust. If that friend isn't happy for their friend who has changed for the better, are they really a friend at all? If you think that you have changed in a positive way but someone else sees it negatively, have you really changed for the better?

I know this is pretty deep for a blog but it is something that was on my mind all day long. If things in life stay stagnant and the same, isn't that just boring? Personally, if I do not change from this moment until the time that I am 30 (which I might never admit to being that age) then I would think that I haven't learned anything in that time period. I want to keep on learning and growing until the day I am 45 (definitely never admitting that I am older than that). Hopefully there are a few things that will not change about me though. I always want to be a fun person who is great to be around and I always want to be a great friend. I always want to support my friends in whatever they do and through whatever changes they may encounter. I also want to be that ridiculous girl who Types While Tipsy and tells her funny stories to the world :)

It's Not What They Say, It's What They Do.

Tonight I was out with my girlfriends and we went to this great happy hour place called Public House. When I walked in, I could barely look for our other friend that was meeting up because the place was filled with beautiful men and firemen! Who can resist firemen? They were also all watching the Yankee's game. There was so much testosterone in that one bar all of the women there could barely breathe.

One guy was chatting us up, and for some reason he dropped to his knees on the dirty, sticky bar floor. Another guy beside us, one of the firemen, took off his boss' hat and placed it on my friend's head - apparently cause for reprimanding a fellow officer. We saw nothing wrong with it but his chief did not like that a girl had on the sergeant's hat.

I am repeating the phrase "It's not what they say, it's what they do" because we were testing that this evening. My friend had a guy that just moved away, however, he spent his last evening with her in the city. That means more than just saying a general goodbye.

Meat Head decided to take me out to dinner last night. Even though he was telling me the story after the fact, this actually happened. He was explaining to me how him and his friends were joking around and he mentioned something that I had said to make him laugh. Even though he was telling his friends what I had said, it was his physical action of talking about me that made me realize that he felt something more. The action of a guy telling their friends about a girl means a lot more than the guy just saying that he is going to hang out with his friends.

Always look for the action from the person that you are seeing. If they say they will call and talk to you and they don't, please don't expect much more from then. The guy could possibly be playing the 2-3 day rule and not following up, however, if it gets past 4 days, don't think that he will call tomorrow. If a guy really wants to be with you, he will make it work - even if he is moving half way across the country. Only time and his actions will tell.

Rachel Zoe Is OOC

"I Die", "Bananas", and "OOC - Out Of Control" aren't normally phrases that I use to describe anything, unless I am watching the Rachel Zoe Project on Bravo. Honestly the show I just watched about Paris fashion week was phenomenal, also known as OOC! The clothing, the shoes, the architecture was to die for.

Rachel is so fabulous that she gets to meet the designers...John Galliano, Marc Jacobs, and Karl Lagerfeld!! I would probably pass out if I even got to pass by any one of them on the street, much less congratulate them for a job well done at their Paris shows. One day I will be at those shows. I might even get to meet Karl :)

Another amazing thing is how great Rachel's husband is. Roger just wanders around Paris taking pictures all day while Rachel is at the fashion shows. He takes her shopping and pretends to care what she is buying. He is probably more worried about the money that she is spending but who cares - it's mostly hers. Then, he makes her a gorgeous photo album with all of the pictures that he has taken....can you say Bananas? Can I just spend a day in her Chanel shoes? Please?!?

She also went to one of my favorite places in Paris. She shopped for vintage at Didier Ludot in the Palais Royal. It was the cutest little store with the most expensive and exquisite vintage and pieces that I have ever seen. I have also vowed to return to that amazing little shop some day in the near future (hopefully very near!).

I am "Eifel Tired" and should go to bed (yes, that was another amazing phrase uttered during the show and it might be cheesy but it is totally cute).

What I Learn From Shopping

Shopping isn't just a silly thing to do when one wants to pass the time. It can actually teach you a lot of life lessons.

Sharing - When you see someone who is looking for that exact dress you have been carrying around for over 10 minutes just because you like it and not because you are going to buy it, you kindly pass it off to her. This is sharing.

Math - Yes, I know that math is not a life lesson, but it is something to learn. 20% off, 40% off, 2 for $20 versus $15 each. You quickly learn math and how to calculate the value of buying in multiples.

Patience - You have been waiting in line for over 15 minutes to get a fitting room. Finally you get to try on all of your clothes and make it to the register. There is another line to check out. Patience is learned in these lines. Since the clothes that you are holding are worth it, you will wait patiently in line and you quickly learn that huffing and puffing doesn't make the line go faster. Honestly, it makes the lady behind the counter go slower just to make you angrier.

Decision Making - There is always that time when you have to choose between the really fun party dress and the black cardigan that you came into the store to find. You needed the cardigan but are very reluctant to let go of the sparkly number you spotted on the rack when you walked in. Not only do you learn to decide, you find out if you are a practical person or if you are a little more adventurous than you thought. Who needs work clothes anyway?

Focus - Checking each tag for the little S, M, or L is a lesson in focus. You need to be zeroing in to find that little letter printed in each garment while also flipping through the rack at an even pace so you can shop the rest of the store in the 15 minutes that you have to shop on your lunch break. If you are too slow, you only see a little bit of the store, if you are too fast you never find your size.

Calmness - When the doors to the sample sale are finally opened after waiting in line for 1/2 an hour, all you want to do is run in screaming and grabbing things off of the shelves. However, calmness is key in this situation since all of those girls that run in screaming don't have the focus and calmness to walk past the crowd to the back where all of the fun treasures are hidden.

Happiness - One of life's biggest rewards is being truly happy. The thrill of purchasing a truly amazing high heel or cocktail ring always makes me happy :)

Happy Learning and Shopping!

Are They Giants?

I was at a party in Tribeca last night where everyone was a giant. I wish I meant the NY football team but unfortunately I do not. Literally every girl there was over 6 feet and skinny. Also, all of the boys were taller than the girls. I walked in feeling all cute and confident in my 4 inch high heels and fun outfit. I quickly started to feel like a little kid that no one wanted around. It wasn't that they didn't want me, it was that they couldn't really see me. I was bumped into numerous times and spilled on countless others. Even the shortest of the boys definitely weren't interested. If you were a guy and you had the choice to speak to the short girl or the girl that her boobs are at your eye level - who do you think you would pick?

How was I supposed to try to flirt with anyone if I couldn't even see eye level with them to catch their gaze?! I tried a different approach of looking all of the way across the room. That way you don't have to be eye level, they can see you from far away. I thought that I was making eye contact with this really cute guy playing pool. I smiled and looked away and by the time I looked back up, the weird guy who had been standing next to him was at my side. Damn it! I forgot that from far away, it is hard to tell what direction you are looking and you attract more people rather than just the one you were aiming for. I chatted with the weird guy for a little and then I decided to abort the mission.

The party should have had one of those "You must be this tall to enter" signs so that I wouldn't have had all of that confusion.

Moving Madness

I am typing this blog covered in paint. Yes, I tried to wash it off of my nails, hands, face, and out of my hair before I began typing, however it is proving to be quite impossible. I might have paint on myself for the next week. Tonight, I helped my friends re-paint their apartment white since they moved out of it. For all of you New Yorkers out there - Do Not Paint Your Apartment any thing other than white. It is so not worth it. It was fun to hang out with my friends and drink but the painting part was unnecessary.

When we finally made it to their new apartment we arrived to a scene that could have been an episode of Friends (of course - do you expect anything else from me at this point?). Their couch was not only stuck in their doorway but it was jammed between their doorway, their new neighbor's doorway, and the hallway. Very stuck. I liked the idea of calling firemen to saw apart the couch, however, the neighbor (of only a couple of hours) had a "saw" (read: steak knife) and decided to use that to break the couch free. To my disappointment and everyone else's relief, we didn't have to call firemen and the steak knife actually worked. I will have to find out what brand of knife that is. If it can cut through a couch, it can cut through anything that I might ever try to cook. Am I kidding myself? Me try to cook? Must be the paint fumes getting to my head - I'm not going to cook anything.

I have to give a big shout out to my city girls in this blog. Only you girls can make painting eggshell walls a fun task and make a couch stuck in the doorway hilarious. Trying to walk up and down stairs carrying a thousand bags and playing with the trash shoot wouldn't be nearly as interesting if it were done with anyone else. Thanks for giving me material to write about :)