Be Your (Fabulous) Self

What do you do when you actually like a person? Normally, I am not in that situation...ever. I usually pick a person apart or find something wrong with them after the second date. Okay, I'm lying...the first date. So now, that I actually made it past the second date and still haven't found anything wrong with the guy I am finding that I do not know how to behave.

I am not my cool, aloof, ignorant self. I text him whenever I think of him or find something funny that I want to say to him. I call him before he calls me. Before, I would have waited for him to obnoxiously text me and then not message him back. A guy would have called me and I would have avoided answering because I didn't really care to hear what he had to say. Thankfully, he returns my messages and answers my calls.

Since I didn't want to come off as a crazed girl, I mentioned that I wasn't really sure what to do or what I am supposed to do when I meet someone that I think is a good person and that I like. Unfortunately for me that is rare (I'm not saying that all of the boys I meet are bad people, they just aren't for me). He responded with one of the most insightful answers that I have heard in a long time. He said "Just be yourself. That's all I ever ask because I don't want to get to know some other person, I want to like you for you."

He just gave me a free pass to text message him all day :) I think we should all listen to him, and not because he's charming but because he's right. Just be your fabulous self! (I added the fabulous part because that's right too).

Pre and Post Date Jitters

This weekend I had one of the best dates ever. It spanned the entire day and was truly amazing, however, there were definitely nerves involved on my end. Before the date officially starts and throughout it, there are a few things that run through a girls head...this is what was running through mine. Crazy, I know.

1) What to wear - Many girls worry about this. I had the distinct challenge of making my outfit work from afternoon to night while still being comfortable and trying to remain warm. Thankfully, the weather cooperated and I wasn't completely freezing which allowed me to wear something a little cuter. A silky top and black pants did the trick perfectly. My mother suggested that I wear my new fur coat. It was too warm out for it but wearing a fur on a first date might be a bit much. It might scream High Maintenance.

2) What shoes to wear - Once you have figured out your outfit, or even before the outfit, the shoes need to be decided upon. I needed something that would be comfortable but also a little sexy. I love high heels but they aren't really practical for walking around the city all day. I wore my suede heeled boots that also conveniently have Dr. Scholl's inserts in them to make sure they are extra squishy for the long city blocks.

3) How to wait patiently - After you have cleaned your apartment from top to bottom, done all of your laundry, and finished your makeup all there is to do is wait. He rings the buzzer and you frantically decide that you need to look busy, not so buttoned up. You don't think until after that he probably doesn't notice at all, but you rush around to find something "to do" quickly. In a pinch, I opened up my computer to pretend to check my emails. The first email that I clicked on was a forward about God and religion. Ohh shit... I heard footsteps at the door. I couldn't throw a religious email up because you can't say "Hello, I was just checking my email and ohh yeah, what are your religious views and beliefs by the way?" I decided just to click on an email from a girlfriend about holiday planning. Again, he didn't notice nor did he care and my nerves went right out of the window once he stepped in the door...until....

4) What to eat for lunch - If you are nervous, your stomach can get a little funny, at least mine does. I hadn't eaten breakfast and then we go to lunch and I wasn't really even hungry then. What to order was quite difficult if it is bar food and you sometimes get sick from it. It is difficult to order a salad from a bar unless you want to look like a crazy dieter. So I stuck with the suggestion of sharing the meal since he mentioned that he wasn't super hungry either - maybe he was nervous too.

5) What to do when you run into mutual friends on the street that don't know the two of you are talking - Go with the flow. Join them for a drink and catch up. It will end up being fun.

6) What to do when you realize you really actually like this guy - Don't fuck it up.

Two Blind Mice

Last night I was on a blind date. I was the setter-upper of the date which is an interesting place to be. My friend has recently become single and I thought that I would set her up in a date with one of Bongo Boy's friends. I told Bongo Boy that the requirements were to be "a nice guy with a great personality and not completely ugly, or ugly at all." Come on, she's gotta be attracted to him!

Finally, they were able to meet last night after a lot of scheduling conflicts...mostly due to myself and Bongo Boy. We could have let them fend for themselves but they didn't want to. It ended up being a great night out with friends. He asked for her phone # but who knows what will happen from here.

I have met a few great people in blind dates. I have to say that I haven't dine many of them but I have enjoyed the experience. You are put together by a person who knows at least a little bit about each of you and decides that it might just work. In my friend's case, I knew her very well and he knew his friend very well. I had no pointers or tips or any bits of information to give to her at all which can be nerve wracking. I met a great guy once based on the description of "He was really cute and seemed like a really nice guy.". Thankfully, he was.

Taking the chance is the hardest part of the blind date, I think. The actually agreeing to it part can be the scariest. I always find that when I finally do agree I cannot stop thinking about all of the possibilities that could happen during and after the date. Who knows, that blind date might just become someone you cannot see your life without. Technically they are still blinding you.

No Soup For Me

After a fun filled weekend with family and friends, I find myself continuing on with the head cold that started earlier in the week. While relaxing and reading the humongous September Issue of Vogue, my phone beeped with a text message. It was the boy that I had been on a few dates with wanting to know how my weekend had been and if I wanted to get together for dinner. Making my molehill of a cold into a mountain I told him that I would be sleeping for the remainder of the day to try to get better. Meanwhile, I just wanted to relax with my enormous magazine and avoid the rainy day outside.

Not even close to a minute later, he texted back that he makes a mean chicken noodle and I should consider it. He was just trying to be helpful but I chose to read into it the way no normal girl does. I said that I didn't trust his soup and was going to stick to Tylenol PM and herbal remedies to help myself. When in doubt just insult his cooking abilities and his aptitude for helping a sick person - that will drive him away. Or so I hoped. He responded with a get well wish and an offer for dinner later in the week. Maybe a dinner is in order. I mean, he has stuck it out this long even with me making fun of him and insulting his culinary expertise. Maybe I will think of a few more cheap shots before the appetizer arrives.

All In It's Place

Tonight I came back to my apartment after celebrating a friend's birthday expecting a mess. I knew that I was getting a new dishwasher since the old one broke and I knew my apartment would be in disarray. I had already moved a few furniture pieces so that they could maneuver in through the doorway without ruining anything. When I came back tonight everything seemed to be in it's place. Nothing was too dirty. Nothing wasn't where I had left it. Or so I thought.

I went into the bathroom and saw the toilet seat was up. Who comes into a chicks apartment and leaves the seat up? I never thought that I was one of those girls who cared where the seat was but boy was I wrong. Who knew how infuriating a toilet seat could really be?

Hook, Line, and Lost Her

Last Friday night I went on a second date with a guy that I met at the beach. I must have at least liked him a little bit since I agreed to a second date. When I met him at the bar, I was shocked that he actually looked cuter than I remembered. He gained a few points since normally I am super judgmental on a second date and tend to find ridiculous things wrong with a person.

Not surprisingly, after 2 drinks he was looking pretty cute and getting funnier by the minute. He even ran into friends at the bar and they seemed fun too. It is always a plus to meet a few random friends - I think it gives you a deeper insight to that person. Just as I was letting my guard down something strange happened. On my 3rd drink he started to get un-cute. I couldn't believe it! Does that really happen?! I immediately stopped drinking that drink and downed a glass of water hoping to reverse the effects of the previous drink.

Since the bar was close to my apartment, I suggested that he walk me home instead of making him get me a cab. It was a nice night and I was still hoping that the water would kick in. We had a nice chat on the walk and then when we stopped in front of my building, he kissed me. Romantic right? No, it wasn't. Right after he kissed me he said a phrase that I can now call that show of affection the "Kiss of Dating Death.". He said "I'm so hooked." I hoped that I hadn't heard him correctly so I asked him to repeat himself. He repeated "I'm just so hooked on you. You're awesome." I said goodnight and walked into my building thinking to myself that he just lost this fish on that cheesy line.

Caught Red Faced

This week has been filled with fun. Seeing as I haven't posted in a few days - too much fun! Drinks, dancing, and dinners have been my life for the past few days. I even went to the beach this weekend. Today, when I got back into the city, I was planning on relaxing after a long bus ride. However, my motivated friend went to the gym and she inspired me to get outside and exercise. As usual, I Rollerbladed. I was feeling so inspired that I went another 10 streets farther than normal!

Something that I don't enjoy about exercise is how I look afterwards. My face, no matter what I do, gets beat red with any physical exertion. I was relaxing on a bench at the end of my marathon rollerblading session and sweat was dripping down my red face. I used my shirt to wipe off my face due to lack of a towel. When I looked up from behind my shirt, I see two stunning older gentlemen one of which was Hugh Grant. I saw him smiling so I smiled back but then began to laugh at the irony. Of course I would see a beautiful actor when and only when I had a face as red as a red delicious apple. Maybe I will be inspired to Rollerblade even more now!

Dickhead The DJ

Last night a group of friends and I went to the Thompson Hotel in the Lower East Side. We were relaxing on the roof which had gorgeous views of the city along with comfy couches. I had a mini celebrity sighting - Tucker Max, the author of I hope They Serve Beer In Hell. I have blogged about that book before and if you haven't read it already, please go and get it. Unfortunately I didn't say hello to him. Kind of regretting that now since I really want to hear how crazy he really is directly from the source.

Anyways, my friends and I were dancing as soon as the DJ stepped up the music a little bit. He intermittently played really bad songs that no one could dance to and I was getting pissed. I went up to him and requested some Beyonce - who can't dance to that? He told me no and then I asked him if he was worried that people wouldn't dance to it. He replied "I could play a lot of shit that people would dance to, but I won't.". I replied "Yeah, I noticed!" and walked off the dance floor.

Suddenly the skies opened up and it started to pour. There were a few people out on the terrace that came rushing inside. There was a handful of drunk girls that went rushing back outside to literally dance in the rain. They were having such a blast. When the rain stopped, they came back inside to dance. The DJ was on a roll for about 20 minutes an everyone was having a great time. There were dance offs, dancing on peoples shoulders, and other crazy moves. Then, the DJ decided to play another shitty song yet again. The entire floor cleared off and a ton of people left the bar. In the words of my friend "He's so bad even the wasted girls left."

When we left the bar, another one of my friends decided to tell the bouncer that the DJ was awful. We hoped the message would be passed on somehow. Despite the shitty DJ the evening was memorable. Drunk girls dancing to bad music in a downpour is quite hilarious!

David Barton Is A Jerk

Who is David Barton? Well I technically haven't met him at all and I don't know if he is a real person or not. David Barton the gym sucks, however. David Barton the gym is going to make me unable to move tomorrow. Here are a few things that I found out about David Barton the gym today.

- When someone suggests Interval Training since you said you would like a class, they are usually wrong.
- Interval training is the worst thing ever invented.
- I don't know anyone that wants to or is excited to do 3 reps of 10 push ups after 30 minutes of running, high kicks, weights, and a stepper.
- When you ask me how it's going and I have sweat dripping down my blood red face and I'm panting similarly to a dog, I might try to shoot imaginary laser beams into your eyes
- No, I don't like squats. Not even if you turned up the Michael Jackson song to get
"pumped up."
- If I come out of the class looking like I just wrestled a grizzly bear, what do you think my answer to "Would you like to join our gym" be?
- $125 a month to feel like you are about to collapse does not sound like a bargain to me.
- Don't try to entice me with "all of the cute guys." This is Chelsea dumb ass. They are all gay.
- "Well at least it doesn't matter what you look like when you come or if you sweat too much" is not an appropriate follow-up to the afore mentioned bullet.
- David Barton - I. Hate. You.
- And. Your. Gym.

Swinging Chandeliers

What is it with men these days? Or since the beginning of time? When you think that they are going left, they go right. When you are sure they are going right, they head dead center. There is no way to figure out what they are thinking and when you think that you have - you thought wrong.

I expected to walk into my apartment today and see my new chandelier hung up. The Super made it pretty clear to put a mark on the ceiling where I wanted it and then he would hang it up for me. I did just that. A big black sharpie X on my ceiling. I still have a big black sharpie X on my ceiling and no chandelier. When I texted and asked him about it he responded with "may I ask who this is?". How many chandeliers does this guy hang on a day to day basis?

You never know what. Guy is gonna do or which way he is gonna swerve. You can't even ensure that he does what you want him to do even if some part of your rent check goes toward his salary. Really ridiculous. Let's hope tomorrow I can see my chandelier.

Plenty Of Weirdos

Last night, at the suggestion of a friend, I logged onto a dating website called Plenty Of Fish. Cute huh? Yeah, I also thought that a friend's date that she met on that website was cute too. He seemed polite and funny. Definitely a keeper. So finally I visited the website. Not so cute.

I searched for people in New York. Boys between the ages of 25 and 35. Recent users to ensure they haven't just been looking for dating just because (even if that is the pot calling the kettle black in this situation). I was prepared to meet a few great people and hopefully get a few great dates. What I actually got was Lookin for a hot mama, Aliens welcome, What you have been waiting for, and many other glorious names. At least it became a source of entertainment for the remainder of the evening. I mean honestly guys, what makes you want to date a 35 year old with the Internet profile entitled "I'm not a mommas boy, I just live with her." Seriously? My favorite was definitely Hunk of burnin love. He also had a picture with another girl posted. They had matching tattoos.

I guess my friend just found the one needle in that big haystack of awfulness. Back to the real world to find a date I guess.

Wedding Band Drama

Tonight my girlfriends and I were discussing married men. Two of my friends had recently been to Las Vegas, also known as Sin City for a reason. They said that they had met a group of guys at the pool and after hanging out with them for the entire day one of the guy friends let it slip that two of them were married. The first thing that popped into my friends' minds was "well, where are the wedding bands?" These guys had deliberately removed the metal rings from their ring finger in order to do what? Get a girl to talk to them? Hang out with them? Make out with them?

It happens more often than any girl would like to know. Apparently, once you go to Las Vegas you find out that it happens there a lot more than it should, but that is besides the point. A wise girlfriend of mine once told me to look for a tan line on the guy's ring finger, or even a slight indentation that you might see if he only removed the ring less than 5 minutes ago. This entire conversation made us ask the question of what you would do if your husband said "Hunny, I'm going to Vegas with the guys." At first I said that I would make sure that I could go with. If you didn't really feel like going with all of the dudes to Vegas, you could also let him go on one condition. You could let him go only if he got a tattoo of your name on his finger. And what do you do if he says "Well, I don't do tattoos. They are so permanent." Respond by telling him that he should have thought about "permanent" before he entered into marriage and that scars from you kicking his butt are also "permanent." Maybe he will reconsider his Las Vegas trip after all...If not, go to Vegas with your girlfriends and be sure to stay across town in a separate hotel.

Ruining Their Dudeness

As I headed home late last night on the train, after a lovely Valentine's Day with my girlfriends, I noticed a guy who stared down at his feet the entire time we were waiting for the train. What was he looking at, I thought? Just then, I noticed not what was on the ground, but what was floating in the air above his head. It was a huge heart-shaped shiny balloon that read I Love You in big pink letters. It was pretty late so I assumed that he had gotten it from his Valentine, not that he was going to give it to her. No wonder he was staring at the ground, it was in shame and embarrassment.

Why do we do this to guys? There is no way that he wanted to carry an obnoxious heart balloon all of the way home. This also happens when we dress them up in clothes that they don't want to be seen in, or make them run to the store to buy tampons for us. We are slowly killing what we love the most about them - their masculinity, their dudeness. Stop doing it girls - there are enough gay men out there to do that to, and they enjoy that sort of thing. If you don't stop, you will soon be complaining when he only wants to wear the pink shirts that you bought him and he likes the face cream that you asked him to try.

The Uglier Truth

Last night, my roommate and I watched the movie The Ugly Truth with Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler. If any of you have heard about it, the movie discusses relationships between men and women and how to make them work, or at least how to get them started. It also touches on what men are looking for. I found the movie to be quite hilarious but it also had quite a few points that made a lot of sense.

1) Guys don't like girls who call them all of the time. They like them to be unavailable and busy which makes them feel like there is more of a chase.

2) Guys like breasts.

3) Most women are neurotic or slightly crazy.

4) Guys apparently like longer hair (I think I discussed this in one of my first blogs). They want something to pull on.

5) Guys like when women wear high heels.

6) Guys and girls want what they cannot have.

7) The girl usually falls for the guy that isn't good for her.

8) Guys are jerks a lot of the time.

9) When a guy finally starts to like a girl, she usually starts not liking him as much as she used to. (See point 6 above)

10) Gerard Butler and Eric Winter are both hot (The two leading men in the movie :) and neither would be a bad catch.

Elevator Amazingness

Nothing makes a hard day instantly better like seeing a hot guy in the elevator. I stepped into the elevator, looked up, and saw the cutest little puppy ever. I smiled and then his owner said "Hi, how are you?" in the way that someone says when they actually know you. When I looked up at him, I noticed that it was the super cute bartender from the Thompson Hotel that I met exactly a month ago. He was standing there holding a dachshund puppy that I instantly said was sooo cute. I told him that my mom has 3 of them and absolutely loves them. He then said that he just got the dog as a gift for his mother. OMG could he get any cuter and sweeter?

Bartender Boy, which he shall now be named, has been haunting my thoughts ever since I met him. He is so gorgeous and nice. When I met him, he was obviously bartending and ended up buying me my drinks. Now he goes and buys a dog for his mother? I mean, honestly, so sweet. I decided that I had to call my mother right away and tell her about my elevator ride. She is so excited about the dog and the guy but then she asks a very valid question..."What if he is gay?" This instantly bursts my bubble as I wonder if he plays for the other team or not. It has happened to me one too many times that I think gay men are straight and vice versa. The "What if he is gay" question brings up others. What if he actually bought the dog for his girlfriend and then that makes him a total jerk face and a scum bag? What if he just bought the dog for himself and made up the story to seem cuter? Well I have to say that the story worked if it was a story.

Since there were so many other girls in the elevator I didn't really get to talk to him myself. I would have liked to ask him to hang out sometime but didn't get the chance. As we parted ways in the hallway, he said "It was nice to see you." I responded with "It was so nice to see you too." I'm just a few sentences closer to asking him to grab a drink with me ;)

Screw You A$$ Face

I don't know why this happens to me, I am assuming that it happens to everyone, but I often get people who I haven't talked to in awhile texting me months later. One guy in particular just texted me last night and it has been almost an entire year since we last spoke. Let's call him Houston...that is where he is from but he doesn't have an accent, thankfully.

When I was out for a friend's birthday party at the Bowery Electric I was really fuming about the text that he sent to me. It said "Hi there." Plain and simple. I was furious. I am still pissed. Who texts after almost a year and just says "Hi there"? Houston just disappeared after the holiday season last year. I had met him about 6 months before that on a blind date. I had been so surprised how well my first blind date had gone. I had only heard of blind dates being bad things that are horrific and didn't usually work out. Houston seemed nice, we had great conversation, and he was fun. We dated casually for the next few months mostly going to extravagant dinners where he liked to order almost everything on the menu "Just to taste it." After last holiday season, I never heard from him again. I called and texted and received no answer so I stopped, with the exception of a drunk text every once in awhile in January.

Please note that December of 2008 was the last time we talked. Yesterday's date was 11/10/2009. Just shy of a year...was he catching up on old business? Trying not to play games, I decided to text back. Here is how the conversation went...

Yesterday

Houston: "Hi there"

Me: "Hey. How are you?"

- I wrote my text around 6pm and by 10pm when I got to the Bowery Electric he still hadn't written back. Again, I was pissed off.

Today

Me: "Your text was a bit random..."

Houston: "Sorry, travelling. Just landed in Houston. Things good, more of the same. Getting ready for the holidays..."

What the hell!! More of the same what? I haven't talked to him in almost a year, or did that detail slip his mind?

Me: "Well I'm glad that everything is going well. Have a nice time in TX."

What I really wanted to say: "Screw you ass face."

A Night Of Newness

Last night a friend and I went out to enjoy the small break in the rain. The break was all for a few hours but it was nice to not have to carry my umbrella for a couple of hours. Our first stop was The Waverly Inn. I had never been there before so it was nice to go somewhere new - new to me anyway. We had a few glasses of wine before we went to dinner at a restaurant around the corner.

The restaurant is on 37 Hudson Street but it is so new that I forget the name. It used to be the old Frederick's which just closed down. This new restaurant is only 3 days old. Warning, it isn't always a good idea to go to such a new restaurant. It is better to wait at least a week or two to get the kinks worked out. It wasn't horrible, however, it wasn't smooth running. The food was tasty but nothing like my other favorite Italian place - Morandi.

Another bit of newness happened when we went to The Standard Hotel. We weren't even inside for 3 minutes when a guy, a bit older, came up to us and bought us a drink, barely introducing himself. I thought this was nice of him so we started to make small talk. At around the 5 minute mark, the guy stops mid-sentence, turns to me, and asks "Do you just wanna get out of here?" I immediately responded "No!" and gave him a confused face. I didn't even know his name yet. With my abrupt answer, he turned around and went to talk to another set of girls. How awkward and strange! Beware of men who buy you drinks....they might only want one thing. At least I didn't waste a lot of time talking to him because I felt I had to since he bought me a drink!

Guidos And Their Big Guns

This weekend, I went to a girls college reunion. My closest girlfriends from college all got together in Point Pleasant, New Jersey. Yes, I went to New Jersey (as I fondly refer to it: Dirty Jerz). Despite Hurricane Bill ruining our plans to sit on the beach all day and have drinks, we had a fabulous time. We just sat in the tiki bar having those drinks, instead of in the sand.

During our days and nights filled with fun adventures, I noticed quite the trend in the fabulous state of New Jersey - Guys with ridiculously big muscles. Do they spike the Jaeger bombs with steroids? In between our laughing at them and wondering how they really do get to be that disgustingly ripped, my girlfriend made a great point. She said that she really didn't understand how some women don't get that even though these guys have big muscles, that doesn't mean they are amazing people. While the opposite may also be true, she was valid in her thinking.

Why do we always think that because a guy is good looking or has huge "guns" that he will be a great catch. Yes, it is nice to have someone who takes pride in themselves, however, they may also have too much pride. We should look beyond the tanned and oiled biceps and try to see who that person really might be first. Does he use those well defined arms to open doors for old ladies or is he using them to slap a girl's ass that walks by? This was just a little something that I was thinking about as I sipped my Mai Tai's in the sun.

Gay Pride Parade

On Sunday afternoon, I saw the most asses and boobs that I have ever seen in my life. This was because of the Gay Pride Parade that went throughout the day on 6th avenue. To begin my day, I was at brunch and thought that things would be a little more calm. Because the parade didn't end until later, I thought that all of the interesting people would be after 4pm. I was wrong. My day included a guy wearing gold spandex that left little to the imagination, men wearing women's clothing and speedos and women wearing pasties with full body fishnet outfits.

As we walked through the Village, we continued to see people dancing and carrying on, even if they were in the parade or not. It was a bit of a shame that all of those gorgeous body building men didn't even care to look at me twice. I felt like the ugly duckling in a crowd of fabulousness!

The Cutest Guy

When I was rollerblading this morning along the West Side Highway (yes, I Rollerblade and no, it is not 1990) I saw the cutest guy ever. I do not mean the cutest as in the guys that were playing basketball with their shirts off. I mean the cutest by the cutest old man I have ever seen. He was strolling in the park wearing a blue seersucker suit, a light pink tie, a leather driving cap, and wing tipped shoes. I love that there are people that take pride in getting dressed nicely. He could have been going to lunch or just been taking a walk but he got dressed up to do it.

I am so happy that it is finally not raining! I spent almost all of my day outside today catching back up on my tan and just enjoying not having to juggle an umbrella with everything else.