New Years Eve Resolutions

I have this amazing email that comes to me every day of the week and sends positive thoughts my way (The Universe - www.tut.com). When I was thinking about my New Years Resolution I was wondering what I should be thinking about changing for 2011 or what more I could really want that I didn't have in 2010. Then, I read my email....

It said to "Give thanks that life is...just as it is (and that its been...just as its been).

There is no need to make a resolution or a wish for something you don't have in the new year. Just give thanks that you have what you have in this present moment and that you are so lucky to be here and have the friends and family that you do.

Happy New Year Everyone!

The Shopping Van

I hope that everyone had a lovely holiday. One of my favorite things to do over this time of year is go shopping (I enjoy it every other time of year too but that is besides the point). A few days after Christmas, I got to go antique shopping in Pennsylvania. Since we like to buy a lot of things, we need a large vehicle in which to haul around, well, our haul. The pictures below show a van, that has been raised up quite high, to jump over parking medians and go off-roading if the store ends up being somewhere off of the beaten path. This is the Shopping Van. This is the most amazing van that I have ever seen.

** Note the step stool needed to get into the Shopping Van.

**Also note, the humongous tires.

This Shopping Van was originally intended for hunting wild animals. Does hunting antique dishes and furniture count? I think so.

Happy Holidays!

I arrived home last night to be thrown into the holiday festivities within just half an hour. Since returning to Pennsylvania, I have had wine, cookies, wrapped gifts, and even "helped" with the Who Ham. By "helped" I mean taste tested... same with the cookies.

I WISH ALL OF YOU A SPARKLY, JOYFUL, AND GLORIOUS HOLIDAY SEASON FILLED WITH GOOD LAUGHS, GREAT FUN, AND WONDERFUL FRIENDS AND FAMILY!

Chasing Shoes

This entire weekend I have been shopping. I have been looking for gifts all over the city. As I do every year, I decided that it was time to get a gift for myself. I have worked hard this year. I got a promotion. I spent enough on everyone but myself - selfish, yes. I decided that the perfect gift for myself was a pair of beautiful navy silk platform shoes by Steve Madden that were on sale at Macy's. Unfortunately, they didn't have my size in any of their stores. Thankfully, they had a sale and the woman behind the counter told me that I could exchange at any other Steve Madden store in the city...she was wrong.

I went to the store uptown with receipt in hand and asked to exchange the size. The woman behind the counter acted as if I was about to rob her as she screamed out their policy. I left with my head hung prepared to return the shoes to Macy's. Then an amazing thought popped into my head. These new shoes were a gift, to myself yes, but a gift none the less. I got out my phone and called 3 other Steve Madden stores in the city before I found the shoe in the correct size. I walked to the store downtown and presented my case with a smile hoping that the lady behind the counter would be nicer than the first. When she asked for my receipt I said "These were a gift" with the biggest smile (my mother always said to kill 'em with kindness). It worked! She exchanged the shoes for my correct size and I walked out of the store a happy girl.

Exercise TV

I have heard about this myth for quite some time now. Exercise classes through the television? Whenever you want? For as long as you want? No need to go to an actual class or step out in the cold to listen to an annoying teacher and be embarrassed by all of the gym class addicts that make you look like you have been sitting on the couch for 20 years? Sign me up!

In the past when I had heard about this channel, I searched through my entire TV lineup with no luck. I had even called the cable company. No luck. Finally, tonight, I stumbled upon this magical channel. Never ever have I been so excited for a show before (with the exception of any of the Real Housewife Reunion shows).

10 minute abs and 10 minute butt has already been completed tonight. The only sad part about those shows is that I am exhausted already and I almost kicked my "Christmas tree" over by accident. I can't wait for tomorrow when I wake up and begin my day with a little yoga. Let's hope the tree makes it through the rest of the week.

Pre and Post Date Jitters

This weekend I had one of the best dates ever. It spanned the entire day and was truly amazing, however, there were definitely nerves involved on my end. Before the date officially starts and throughout it, there are a few things that run through a girls head...this is what was running through mine. Crazy, I know.

1) What to wear - Many girls worry about this. I had the distinct challenge of making my outfit work from afternoon to night while still being comfortable and trying to remain warm. Thankfully, the weather cooperated and I wasn't completely freezing which allowed me to wear something a little cuter. A silky top and black pants did the trick perfectly. My mother suggested that I wear my new fur coat. It was too warm out for it but wearing a fur on a first date might be a bit much. It might scream High Maintenance.

2) What shoes to wear - Once you have figured out your outfit, or even before the outfit, the shoes need to be decided upon. I needed something that would be comfortable but also a little sexy. I love high heels but they aren't really practical for walking around the city all day. I wore my suede heeled boots that also conveniently have Dr. Scholl's inserts in them to make sure they are extra squishy for the long city blocks.

3) How to wait patiently - After you have cleaned your apartment from top to bottom, done all of your laundry, and finished your makeup all there is to do is wait. He rings the buzzer and you frantically decide that you need to look busy, not so buttoned up. You don't think until after that he probably doesn't notice at all, but you rush around to find something "to do" quickly. In a pinch, I opened up my computer to pretend to check my emails. The first email that I clicked on was a forward about God and religion. Ohh shit... I heard footsteps at the door. I couldn't throw a religious email up because you can't say "Hello, I was just checking my email and ohh yeah, what are your religious views and beliefs by the way?" I decided just to click on an email from a girlfriend about holiday planning. Again, he didn't notice nor did he care and my nerves went right out of the window once he stepped in the door...until....

4) What to eat for lunch - If you are nervous, your stomach can get a little funny, at least mine does. I hadn't eaten breakfast and then we go to lunch and I wasn't really even hungry then. What to order was quite difficult if it is bar food and you sometimes get sick from it. It is difficult to order a salad from a bar unless you want to look like a crazy dieter. So I stuck with the suggestion of sharing the meal since he mentioned that he wasn't super hungry either - maybe he was nervous too.

5) What to do when you run into mutual friends on the street that don't know the two of you are talking - Go with the flow. Join them for a drink and catch up. It will end up being fun.

6) What to do when you realize you really actually like this guy - Don't fuck it up.

Celebrate You And Me

For the past few days and for a few more throughout the weekend, I have been and will be in celebration mode. There has truly been so many great things that deserve attention in the past few days and weeks that a party must be had.

1) Promotion Celebration - This week, I got promoted. Finally. This is something that has been in the works for such a long time that when it finally happened, it didn't even seem like a real accomplishment. Thankfully, my friends saw it another way. They celebrated with an impromptu bottle of champagne and a mini get together with friends. It was something that made me immediately grateful for all of the wonderful people in my life. These people make sure that you are appreciated even if you are feeling a little less than underwhelmed by your own hard work and determination finally paying off. I should have been toasting them!

2) Holiday Celebration - Since we are officially in the full swing of the holiday season, there had to be a party to celebrate the holidays with the people that I work with. We went out last night and had ourselves a very merry blast. Unfortunately, we didn't get to celebrate the year before, however, we made up for missing last years with quite a few drinks and a lot of crazy dancing. Another mini celebration also happened during the holiday party...

2.5) Food Celebration - Last week I was on a cleanse and I continued it through out this week, until last night that is. We went to the Heartland Brewery on 34th and 5th...they are known for great fried food. I was craving and loving every second of this greasy fatty food that I forgot that I hadn't really had major carbs for a solid week. While having a beer, I started to feel so full and a little queasy due to all of the grease that the food celebration ended abruptly.

3) Love Celebration - Tomorrow, I am celebrating my friend's new found man friend. I will not say "boyfriend" until it is official, however, it could be any day now. I am meeting him for the first time and I cannot wait. She lights up when she gets a text message from him and I haven't seen her do this with anyone in a really long time. I am celebrating love and friendship tomorrow (along with a few cocktails) because there should be so much more of it to go around for everyone!

Cleanse Day 4 of 3

Yes, silly right? Why waste all of that hard work for an entire weekend and blow it on a Monday - of all days. I slightly continued my cleanse by just having fruit in the morning and then a salad for lunch. Thankfully, I was busy at work again today so I didn't really have a lot of time to sit around and think about snacking.

I had a bowl of soup when I got home and then cheated a little with 2 small Dove Dark Chocolates....man, that's what I have been missing for the past 4 days. It is funny how amazing chocolate tastes after you haven't been allowed to eat it. I bet that bread and wine are going to be fantastic!

Cleanse Day 3 of 3

Today wasn't as awful as the past 2 days....and even those weren't that horrible. I only had one shake today and then the salmon, salad, and broccoli dinner around 6 pm. I am not telling you all the time by time synopsis of my day since I don't want anyone to judge me based on the time I got my lazy ass out of bed. Hey, if I slept longer, I wouldn't have to think about another of those shakes!

Yesterday, I didn't really notice that much of a change. Today, however, upon closer examination, I thought I started to see my turkey belly reside and my Thanksgiving thighs slim down just a little. What great results for only 3 days of having to watch what I was putting into my mouth. I might continue parts of the cleanse just for awhile. No more shakes for me, but the salad I can do. The lack of bread will have to be deeply considered (unless of course it is warm and flaky, then no thought is needed).

The one thing that I really did miss on this lovely weekend was, I am ashamed to say, red wine. It isn't because of the alcohol portion, at least I think so, but because of how great it makes any book that I am reading. Just the glass in my hand makes me feel calm and interesting...it also makes the words flow quite nicely together along the pages. I will have to be sure to have a little bit of substantial food before I have my next glass of wine though. Having any sort of a sip of wine on a partially empty stomach is just a bad idea. Or it might end up being a really fun idea :) Thank goodness its over!

Cleanse Day 2 of 3

The second day of this cleanse has gone a little better. Maybe it is because it is Saturday :)

9:00am - Woke up and realized that I would have to have that crappy shake. Went back to bed

10:00am - Cooked the egg whites and had the berries on the side and didn't blend it all together. A much better idea and much tastier.

10:30am - 2:00pm - Holiday shopping. Found all of my gifts and didn't even yell at the woman who so rudely ran into me and didn't say "sorry." That is New York for ya.

2:30pm - Bought a shake from Equinox, the gym. They made it exactly how I wanted, minus the egg whites.

3:00pm - Gift wrapping with Christmas music was lovely.

4:00pm-6:00pm - Reading and naptime. All of that wrapping wore me out.

7:00pm - Made the salmon, broccoli, and the salad. Lots of green isn't it?

Cleanse Day 1 of 3

After realizing that I ate Thanksgiving dinner more than 5 times, I decided that it was time to do something other than eat. A cleanse was in order. Today I started Dr. Perricone's Metabolic Diet. Why did I choose this one? I can still eat a little :)

Day 1:

7:30am - Found out that my blender wasn't working as nicely as I had hoped. This lead to chunky fruit in my not so smooth smoothie.

8:00am - Smoothie not so bad. Wish there was more of it.

8:30am - Already hungry... drinking water to fill my stomach.

9:00am - A coworker brought in apple pie. I considered eating a piece since apples are technically fruit. I decided that I wouldn't go down so fast and I declined the buttery sugary goodness of a pie.

11:00am - Got super angry at the messenger service who made me go up and downstairs 3 times to give him a coat. Why would they think I would go around the corner to hand it to him when he could enter the building and wait in the nice warm lobby. I swear I didn't get angry because I was hungry.

11:30am - Cannot wait to have my 2nd smoothie... having tea while I wait for "Lunch".

12:30pm - Drinking my not so smooth smoothie #2 for the day. Tasting a little gross now. The raw egg whites just got to me.

1:00 - Downing a glass of water. Maybe it will take away the eggy taste. Also note, that a full berry shake needs to be followed with toothpaste since it stains your teeth and leaves fruit bits all over the place.

1:00-4:00 - Thankfully busy at work and running around that I forgot how hungry I was. Also thankful that I didn't get angry with anyone.

6:30 - Dinner time. Trying to time the salmon and the salad and the broccoli to all be ready at the same time in a tiny kitchen was almost disastrous. I dropped a tiny piece of broccoli on the floor and thought about throwing it back into the pot of water. I am hungry, just not that hungry.

7:00 - Pure Heaven. Full and Happy.

8:00 - Wishing this diet had snacks.

8:05 - Really wishing this diet had snacks.

Tomorrow is a new day. A new day with very very little food.

Victoria Doesn't Eat Turkey

Who are the producers of the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show? I don't want to know because the clothes were cute. I want to know because the show aired tonight - just under 5 days since Thanksgiving. What are they thinking?

They are hoping that men across the U.S. will look at these lingerie clad women and wish that their wives looked like them. Needless to say, their wives are closer to my height of 5'2" and quite farther over the 100 lbs. marker than they would like to be. Sorry dudes, if you buy that sexy negligee, your wife won't get taller or skinnier. Thankfully, the wings aren't available for purchase (I am using the wings as my excuse this year. If you have huge wings on TV...it makes you look smaller than you really are. Since they don't sell the wings, there is no possible way that you can look that good).

Happy post Thanksgiving ladies. Sorry that you won't be able to enjoy turkey for the coming years since this fashion show has scarred you for life. It was only the yummiest bird of the year, that's all. Nothing a really cute panty won't fix! Not!!!

Charlie Brown Christmas

Tonight, after returning from my lovely extended Thanksgiving weekend, I decorated my apartment for the holidays. It only took about 15 minutes to make a catastrophic mess and a questionable holiday feel.

Since there is so much shine and sparkle in my studio apartment already, I decided that I would add even more to give it a really glitzy holiday effect. Well, the sparkly birds and shiny pine cones just kind of blended in. The only decoration that really makes it feel like the holidays is my ficus tree...and no, I did not say douglas fir or evergreen. I lost over 20 leaves just trying to put the ornaments on the thing and after all of that it reminds me of the one that Charlie Brown decorated. See for yourself...

Charlie's Tree:

My Tree:

So it's official - I can't cook and now I can barely decorate. Let's hope I can still keep the tree alive.

Thanks And Giving

Today, even though technically it's a day early, I would like to list what I am thankful for. It is that time of year that we should look around us and just say "Thank you." I am thankful for...

- Not having to be stuck in traffic today. I am sitting comfortably in my hometown while many people are trying to fight their way home. I am thankful that I am not those people right now.

- Not having to cook. My mother is busy in the kitchen, it smells amazing by the way, cooking up a storm for tomorrow. Cakes, pies, turkey, and all of the sides are magically making their way into and out of the oven all without me having to lift a finger.

- Good advice. A friend of mine mentioned that I should screw up something very simple while trying to help my mother to cook so she wouldn't ask me to help again (she was threatening to make me help and to teach me). Being the unwilling culinary student that I am, I decided to paint my nails instead. This way I have the excuse of "My nails are wet" and "The topcoat isn't dry yet" and "I just got my nails looking okay again, no, I can't peel apples" in my back pocket to pull out once there are suggestions that I help with the cooking.

- Having a good appetite. Some people can't eat a lot of the really amazing food that is made for tomorrow. I don't know who these people are, but I am thankful that I am not one of you.

- The shopping genes. Even after a full day of binging on turkey and sweets, I have the ability of getting up really early to run around with a bunch of crazy women and hunt for deals in a crowded store. I call it a gift and I am thankful for that gift.

- Friends and Family. I should have listed them on the top of this post, but why not save the best for last.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone :) I hope that you all have a blessed day!

Exercise Shmexercise

This weekend I spent most of my time exercising. Good right? Yeah, only if you like exercising.

First, I went to Pure to do yoga. It was an hour and a half long class of pure pain. Not only was I in ridiculously tough positions, the teacher was annoying me by telling me stories of her travels and trials and tribulations. I was thinking that my rubbery feeling limbs might just have to walk up to the front and slap her. I just wanted her to teach me how to twist the other way so that I could have a new pain replace the old one rather than talking about how it was over 100 degrees in India when she was there.

Next, I went to an interesting class with my girlfriends. It was a class that taught you how to "work out" in high heels while dancing. Yes, it's what it sounds like. It is also as embarrassing as one might think trying to "exercise" in front of a bunch of people. Honestly, those moves really made my muscles hurt.

I plan on continuing my new found exercise routines...as long as they aren't painful and they aren't embarrassing. We will see how long this lasts.

The NYC Dating Challenge

As if dating in this city wasn't hard enough, there are constant challenges that are being thrown at you left and right. For example...

Challenge #1 - The other week I chatted with Bongo boy about how I didn't want to be in a serious relationship with him. I explained that I just wasn't ready for that next step yet and I was enjoying the friendship stage. I was also enjoying the dinner and drinks too :) Then, earlier this week he tried to have a heart to heart with me about how he didn't know why I was even hanging out with him. He said that I was "emotionally not into him" and seemed "disinterested." I said that this was exactly why I didn't want to be serious - the awful and painful conversations.

When I brought up the just being friends I really meant it as just that. I didn't mean it as a challenge for him to try to get me to be in a relationship.

Challenge #2 - My friend recently started dating a guy whom she really likes....likes a lot. She is a bit different than myself since she doesn't actually like dating, however, that still doesn't make her immune to dating challenges. One rule of the universe (God's sense of humor is interesting during times like this) is that all of the old boys that you were and were not interested in come out of the woodwork. They come by way of running into them in the streets, bar hopping, and through email to challenge you when you are happily getting settled.

An old guy friend of hers got in touch with her through email and asked her out. Unfortunately for him, she said that she was seeing someone. Also unfortunately for him, he is an asshole. He continued to reply to the email and doubt her happiness and the guy she was seeing. He wasn't such a huge challenge because he was a jerk, but there are always more of these guys from our past that pop up just as we really decide to get into a relationship.

Challenge #3 - There are so many guys in this city to choose from. How do you pick just one?

Challenge #4 - There are so many restaurants in this city to choose from. How do you pick which on you want to go to with which boy?

Challenge #5 - There are so many dating challenges in this city and the biggest challenge can be ourselves. The last thing that I and my fellow daters should do is make things more difficult and confusing. Just let things be and they will be if they were meant to.

Matchmaker Matchmaker Make Me A Match

"Dating in NYC makes Sex and The City look like a cakewalk" - Patty Stanger, Millionaire Matchmaker

This woman is a genius. She takes crazy people, millionaires and looking-to-be millionaires, and tries to get them to find love with one another. I have been catching up on the most current season and have to give props to Patty. Not only is she awesome, but she has her work cut out for her with this city. Assholes, Man whores, Bimbos, Princesses, Jerks, and everyone in between is coming into her office to be fixed up.

Since I see Patty as one of the best matchmakers, sorry Mom - that wedding photographer put you at the bottom of that list, I often wonder who she would set me up with. Tall, short, handsome, amazing? Or would I be one of those unlucky ladies who gets stuck with the boobie prize? We all know him from the show - Rich, ugly, and an asshole with something to prove.

A few months ago, I had the 25 page application for the NYC Millionaire Matchmaker show in my hands. I looked at the stack of papers for a few days before finally tossing it out. I am not sure why I didn't fill it out, I love to date and I love meeting new people - money or not. I guess that dating on camera is just a little too much for me. I wouldn't need to write about my dates anymore, everyone could just tune into the show! Until Patty Stanger calls me personally, I don't think that the show is for me...with the exception of tuning in every Tuesday Night on Bravo.

Patty, you are my hero. Please call.

Go Fish

I hung out with Bongo Boy again tonight. We ordered food and watch an awful movie. Another of my ridiculous choices. Obviously he should learn and not let me pick the movie. A little over a week ago, he and I had "The Talk." This is the talk that I usually have with many of the guys that are unfortunate enough to make it past the 3rd or 4th date with me. The talk is usually me explaining to them that I am not ready for a serious relationship but they are a great person, and they usually are.

Next comes them agreeing up and down that they want what I want and that I am the best person ever. I am not making this up, they actually say shit like that. Then, about a week or so later, they are out with it. They have issues with just hanging out and wonder what "my deal" is. Well dudes, my deal is that I am not ready to get into the serious game of Poker yet. I am still playing Go Fish and I'm winning the hand. Until I found the exact fish match that I want, I'm not ready to gamble all of my fun away.

Unfortunately for Bongo Boy, we came to that fork in the road. I wasn't giving him what he wanted, and he wasn't being quiet enough to watch the movie. Draw another hand.

Viva La Mexico

This past week, I was in Mexico. Sounds fun right? Rethink that...I wasn't in Cancun, Mexico... I was in the Middle Of Nowhere, Mexico. Two very different Mexico's and two very different ideas. One has the wonderful scenic beauty that makes you want to drink tequila, bask in the sunshine, and dance your ass off. That is not the Middle Of Nowhere, Mexico that I went to. I was there for work all week and that also makes you want to drink tequila and bask in the sunshine...but you cant.

After a long week all I wanted to do was get back to the city. Since we were all so excited to go home we celebrated with a few tequilas the night before our flight. Unfortunately one or two of us, myself not included, celebrated too hard and could barely get up to make it for the flight. We were 3 hours outside of the Mexico City airport and only had 4 hours until our international flight. After bouncing up and down and back and forth in the SUV to the airport, we were all about to vomit. Unfortunately, I also had to go to the bathroom when I should have been checking in for my flight. At 1:05 pm with the flight boarding at 1:30 I had to make the all important decision of whether to pee my pants or catch my flight. Thankfully I made the plane without any accidents.

I am happy to be back in New York City. Thankfully here I can bask in the sunshine (its 60 degrees in November), drink martinis, and dance my ass off.

My Worst Nightmare

This past Friday, as I was walking to a friend's apartment, I ran into my absolute worst nightmare. This incident was so horrific, it might have scarred me for life. I was trying to run with a heavy suitcase from Lexington Avenue to 1st Avenue at around 2:30 in the afternoon. I was late for a ride home. Suddenly, they were everywhere. Coming out of the buildings, on the street, running this way and that. I couldn't move. I was paralyzed. If I moved forward, I would run over one of them. I couldn't go around them. If I went back, they were already behind me and I would have been even later. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs but I didn't want to scare anyone more than I was already scared.

I powered through being careful not to run any of them over. While I was trying not to have a panic attack I almost screamed "Really?! What the Fuck?" and then almost stepped on one and I did yell that. Really loud.

Children, yes Children, were running amok everywhere. They had just gotten out of school for the week and were running around and screaming in the streets. One thing with the Children in New York is that there are way too many of them. When they all get out of school at once on a Friday afternoon, it is just way too much for anyone that is trying to walk down that street. I warn all of you out there to not try to go anywhere at 2:30 on any afternoon in this city. It is hazardous and a literal nightmare. I am still thinking about it and definitely still scared.

Crazy Obsessive

I am neurotic. I obsessively clean. I double check for bedbugs before sleeping. I organize everything I see. I read and re-read text messages before I send them.

I was having a text messaging conversation and could barely type the sentences since I continually erased them and re-wrote them. My friend gave me advice to "just be yourself" and "don't over analyze every word". I said that not over analyzing every word isn't being myself.

neu·rot·ic

¹

^{[noo-rot-ik, nyoo-]}

–adjective

1.

of, pertaining to, or characteristic of neurosis.

–noun

2.

a neurotic person.

Sext Me Baby

Tonight, I realized that I am officially old. Yes, old...at the age of 26. The first thing that made me realize this was the screaming and carrying on outside of my apartment. There are Halloweeners on the street yelling and Halloweening. I hate Halloween. I am old. I hate screaming Halloweeners.

I also realized that I am old because I cannot Sext. Do you know what a Sext is? I only recently learned that it is supposedly a sexy text message. Yes, a Sext and yes, I'm old. I cannot Sext. Maybe it is because I am not a good lier. I cannot sit on my couch watching Brothers & Sisters on ABC while drinking a glass of red wine and scarfing down something that I call a dinner and be witty and funny and, much less, sexy through a text message. Also note, I am sitting on the couch in granny panties, slippers, and a t-shirt. A really big t-shirt, for the record. They are also really ugly slippers. Slippers aren't sexy unless they are covered in feathers and are in the form of a high heel.

I know that answering the text message back with something highly inappropriate isn't going to help the situation. I am still going to feel old and I will feel like a phony. A Sexty phony that is. Unfortunately being older also means being wiser. Maybe I will just text those Halloweeners outside and tell them to shut the hell up so that I can watch my TV show and go to bed early.

Everything But The Kitchen Sink

Tonight I was having dinner with my girlfriends and we were chatting about the types of qualities that we want in a guy. Qualities such as politeness, cuteness, sincerity, and sense of humor came up, among many others. I ended up saying that I wanted the "Kitchen Sink" in a man. Then I wondered out loud...where in the heck did that phrase come from?

Who really wants anyone with a kitchen sink? Is their sink full of dirty dishes or is it spotless? Nobody likes to do dishes. Does it have one of those cool sprayers? They are always fun. Is it metal, ceramic, or another material? It is like saying that you want a guy with a full Refrigerator, really. Really? You have to make sure he is at the right temperature or everything inside him will go bad. Are you still sure you want a a guy like a refrigerator?

Personally I would like a guy with an Oven Range. He also better know how to cook on it or I am screwed.

The Game Changer

On Friday night, I was apparently re-introduced to a guy which I did not remember. Thankfully he didn't remember me from the first introduction either. I say "apparently" because had I really met him, I would have already dated him. He is very very cute.

After meeting him, he instantly seemed to ignore me. I would stand right next to him and he wouldn't talk. I would be across the way in a group of people and he wouldn't look. I immediately thought that he wasn't that into me. That is what the "He's Just Not That Into You" book taught me anyways. So what did I do? I ignored him back. Intentionally and unintentionally of course. After I found out from our mutual friend that this was his "game" and that he usually ignored the girls he liked, I decided to play along. Eventually he came around to talking to me and we chatted for the rest of Friday night.

Saturday night started out the same way. He barely said hello. I think I got a nod. I decided to face the situation and stop the game playing in a more grown up way and actually say "Hello" and started a conversation. Thankfully my adult reasoning and actions paid off. We talked for most of the night and I can definitely say that he seemed interested.

I guess I will see if he calls...maybe that's gonna be a long shot.

Things That Should Never Be Googled

Tonight I went for dinner with a few girlfriends. One of the girls is recently single and has been dating a bunch of boys. She ended up having a crush on one of the guys that she has been seeing and was unsure of what to do about it. She said "I really like him and definitely have a crush on him but I don't know if he thinks of me in that way or just as a friend. I even Googled how to know of a guy likes you or not." I thought this was the funniest thing I had ever heard. Even now, I am cracking up laughing (with her of course). So what did I do? I Googled it myself.

How to know if a guy likes you.
- 5 signs he's interested

1) He tells someone - Apparently if he tells someone that he likes you, he likes you. But how the Hell are you supposed to know? It's not like he told you. If that happened you wouldn't have to Google to ask the question about if he liked you or not.

2) The look - He looks at you and smiles. You might just have weird hair or a funny outfit on. He also smiled at the toothless bartender too. Don't take too much stock in this so called look.

3) The conversation - He moves close to you and asks questions hoping that you are single. He might not have any friends around and since you took his silly "look" for the meaning that he liked you, he picked you to chat with. He might ask you a bunch of annoying questions that you don't want to answer anyways.

4) He appears unexpectedly - No explanation needed. This guy is a ghost. Run or call a priest to get rid of this creeper. He doesn't like you... He is stalking you or haunting you. I'm not sure which is worse.

5) EVERYONE likes you - Suuureee they do. Don't ever Google this question again.

I am in the middle of reading a great book. It is called "US Americans Talk About LOVE". I know, I know. Love. Yuck.

I do have to say that even for a girl who has very strong thoughts about love - finding it, dating many until she finds it, or not knowing if she will ever find it, I am impressed. The book looks at what love means to people across the U.S. ranging from 5 years old to pushing 90. Who knew that there could be so many completely opposite stories about one single subject that is completely abstract. Some stories make you fear love, some make you want to be in love at that very second, some stories make you wonder what the Hell you just read and why they interviewed that specific person.

Kudos to John Bowe and team for making me think even more than normal :)

No, You Lock It Up!

I should be sitting on a nice comfy couch having a big glass of vino at the moment. I should also be enjoying the aroma of a home cooked meal. I'm not doing either of those things. I'm standing outside of the apartment that my friends are locked into. Yes, they are locked IN! The deadbolt is broken. The worst part about the situation is that I am standing outside the door with a big bottle of wine...and no bottle opener.

Maybe the locksmith will be cute, because I am sure God has a great reason for keeping me away from my fun Saturday night. My friends just sent me a note under the door...this is going to be interesting.

Update: 10 minutes later - He isn't cute. It's just someones idea of a funny joke.

This Is A Stick Up

As I was on my walk home from work tonight (yes, that's why I haven't been writing because I have been working so late) I was thinking about what to eat for dinner. There are always 3 options - make it myself, order good in, or find a date to take me out. Obviously, as you can see from the name of my blog, I didn't want to make dinner myself but I had ordered in last night and persuaded my date to do feed me before we did drinks the night before that. What was I going to make? I had nothing in my fridge.

At that very moment I saw a cute guy, a little scrawny, walking across the street. You think I asked him out? Wrong. I was seriously wondering how I could get away with mugging him. He was carrying a microwave - something that I don't have but obviously need. I never tend to be a violent person but I honestly considered all of the ways I could just trip him, make him drop the box, and then pick up the best invention ever made and run away with it, all without too many people seeing me. I wasn't a suspicious looking girl but when you are running with a microwave clutched to your person I am sure you will draw a but or attention to yourself.

When I got home I popped a mini pizza in the oven. I should have just jumped the guy...the pizza would have been done in 2 minutes and not burned in 10. Bon Appetit!

4 Years In Waiting

Imagine something that you have been dreaming of for over 4 years. You met him in Paris that long ago. He was perfect. Unfortunately you had to go back to school in London and couldn't have dinner with him. 4 years later, tonight, you would finally get that chance. You made the perfect reservation (owned by the French but the restaurant served the best Italian pizza you could think of). He was waiting for you at the bar when you got there. He was so nervous he couldn't even look at you. After a few minutes you had the conversation started but he wasn't as you had remembered him. Paris boy had aged beyond when you met him over 4 years ago.

I can't believe it had been 4 years since I have been to Europe. What did he think of me? I had placed all if my chips with him knowing, thinking, he was it to have been all wrong in the end. He was a nice acquaintance but that's all. No more than a drinking buddy whenever he is is town. I guess it is a little sobering to discover what you thought was "It" isn't "It" at all.

Onto the next boy. At least Paris Boy turned out to be a great friend and drinking buddy when in the city...

The Attempted Set-up

Last night I went on a date with a guy that I knew wasn't right for me the moment I spotted him at the bar. Why did I go out with him you ask? Well, simply because I didn't remember meeting him the first time at a party a few weeks ago. He seemed like a really nice guy, way too nice so, of course, I hated him instantly. After about 10 minutes into the date I thought that he would be better suited for a good friend of mine and that I shouldn't treat the date like a complete disaster but treat it like an interview for my friend.

At the end of the date as we were just walking outside, he suggested that we head to another bar down the street. That is when I hit him with my brilliant plan. The reason I couldn't grab another drink with him is because while he is a nice guy, he wasn't for me and my friend and him might mesh better and might possibly be perfect for each other. His face looked as if I had surprised sucker punched him in the face. I guess the answer to "Do you wanna grab another drink around the corner?" is a "Yes" or "No" kinda thing. In my excitement, I continued to explain that I thought he was a great guy and I knew this was really awkward but "When I have a feeling about these things I'm usually right." Again he was just flabbergasted. When he finally did speak he asked how I knew he and I weren't right for one another and I had no other answer than "Because you are perfect for my friend." Duhh!

Despite the randomness of the situation I ended up showing him her picture on Facebook after he seemed to warm up to the idea. The plan was that I would go home and chat with her, see if she thought I was completely off my rocker or not, and then forward him her phone number for future use. She thought I was completely crazy but said I could pass along her number anyway. His response after I buttered him up in the message with her number..."Appreciate the nice words but don't think this whole thing is gonna work out. Too weird. Take it easy."

I officially name myself the creepiest dater ever! He is officially named Toolbag.

Two Blind Mice

Last night I was on a blind date. I was the setter-upper of the date which is an interesting place to be. My friend has recently become single and I thought that I would set her up in a date with one of Bongo Boy's friends. I told Bongo Boy that the requirements were to be "a nice guy with a great personality and not completely ugly, or ugly at all." Come on, she's gotta be attracted to him!

Finally, they were able to meet last night after a lot of scheduling conflicts...mostly due to myself and Bongo Boy. We could have let them fend for themselves but they didn't want to. It ended up being a great night out with friends. He asked for her phone # but who knows what will happen from here.

I have met a few great people in blind dates. I have to say that I haven't dine many of them but I have enjoyed the experience. You are put together by a person who knows at least a little bit about each of you and decides that it might just work. In my friend's case, I knew her very well and he knew his friend very well. I had no pointers or tips or any bits of information to give to her at all which can be nerve wracking. I met a great guy once based on the description of "He was really cute and seemed like a really nice guy.". Thankfully, he was.

Taking the chance is the hardest part of the blind date, I think. The actually agreeing to it part can be the scariest. I always find that when I finally do agree I cannot stop thinking about all of the possibilities that could happen during and after the date. Who knows, that blind date might just become someone you cannot see your life without. Technically they are still blinding you.

Bongo Boy Loses His Beat

Last night, I was reading A really great book, I Was Told There'd Be Cake by Sloane Crosley. Within this book, she mentions the name of an apparently famous director who has the same exact name as Bongo Boy (his real name, not the ridiculous name I have given him). I took this as a sign and decided to answer his text and meet him out for a beer and some football/baseball/Sports Center. Note to self, read unto the context of the chapter a little more...the author was describing a crazy TV show directed by Bongo Boy's real name twin. Maybe I shouldn't have taken it as a sign since he was a super crazy sports fan and both of his teams lost while I was there. It didn't help that I chose yo route for the opposite teams because I thought "it would be more fun that way".

Due to the fact that he was yelling at the TV in a crowded bar as if "blue" (the umpires if you didn't already know) could hear him, I immediately began to not like him. When he fake pouted over a strike that was called a ball by "blue" yet again, my disdain increased rapidly. By the end of the night it was a free fall of complete hatred once both of his teams lost in the final gripping rounds of interesting keep you on the edge of your seat games. Nobody likes a guy who throws a hissy fit when one team loses - try liking them when they do it twice in a row.

Needless to say, my trip to College Town NYC (aka Murray Hill on 3rd avenue) was a bit of a waste of time. However, it made me realize that, yes, a boy that you have nicknamed Bongo Boy will eventually show his true colors...even if he is named after some famous crazy director guy.

Mr. Fix It

I have this friend. She is awesome and amazing and fun and funny and crazy shit always happens to her. Always.

A few nights ago, she had a boy over to her place after dinner. Things were going well. Things were amazing until her stomach started to growl and grumble. The guy might have liked her but her dinner did not. She politely excused herself and went to the bathroom. Unfortunately what happened in the bathroom wasn't polite at all.

She finished and went to flush the toilet. Nothing. She tried to flush again and again, nothing. The handle was broken. Panic set in. Pure panic. It was starting to smell. Thankfully she had known to pull the back off of the toilet and lift up the lever to manually flush the toilet. Safe. In the clear. She even sprayed a bit of perfume to make sure everything was covered.

Unfortunately he went to the bathroom immediately after her. Not 5 or 10 minutes but 2. He should have known. She made him think that the toilet had worked just before he had used it and pressured him to know how to fix it (she already knew how but felt that he should know too). He fixed the issue with Duct Tape - such a guy move - and then proclaimed himself a handy man.

My friend decided to let it slide that she had known how to fix the issue. She also fed his ego by letting him think it was him who could only fix her toilet. Brilliantly played my friend.

The Joys Of Turning Left

For the past 2 days I haven't been able to turn my head or bend my neck to the left apparently as a result of sleeping on it. I know, how Zoolander of me to not be able to turn left. Here is a list of things that are surprisingly hilarious and also awkward when you cannot turn left.

- Answering a question to a person that is sitting to your left. They immediately crack up laughing when you turn your entire body.

- Crossing the street. You begin to look absolutely ridiculous when you try to look both ways.

- When having dinner you have to make sure that the person you are eating with sits on your right side and that the waitress asks you a question from the right vantage point at the table. If she asks a question behind you, the commotion of turning the chair to see her is just painful.

- Carrying a heavy handbag in the left hand sucks.

- Trying to kiss someone when you have told them about the situation but they keep getting the affected side confused is so extremely funny that kissing never really happens because you laugh so hard.

B Is For Birthday

I spent my Birthday weekend celebrating with friends - new and old. Here are some of the fun things I did.

Bourbon Street - The Bar that I went to on Friday night to kickoff the weekend. They serve amazing food in a gorgeous New Orleans themed Bar/Restaurant. The $5 hurricanes are delicious as well as potent!

Besanson - Liz Besanson that is...she photographed all day on Saturday for a website launch that I helped to style. The photo shoot was amazing thanks to such a talented and lovely woman. The Bell Boys and Bar scene at the Gramercy Park Hotel didn't hurt either!

Brunch - Sunday Fun-Day began with Brunch at Don Pedro's on the Upper East Side. Sangria and some interesting mashed plantains made the meal. Brunch was followed by Beers and football.

Beats - After the football game, next was the Ne-Yo concert where a ton of screaming teenagers (and myself) went. Ne-Yo along with having a Beautiful voice gives a great performance. Even the parts where young girls fought over his shirt that he had thrown off stage was partly a comedy routine... Planned I'm sure.

Thank you all for the Best Birthday weekend! You all make getting older a hell of a lot of fun!

MIA

I apologize for missing in action for the past few days...I have been in action. My actions are as follows - painting, fashion shoot planning, working, crushing a guy's dreams, fashion week partying, and more working. A fun filled week for sure.

I know I know, I shouldn't be absent for so long that it takes me forever to recap, so I will just recap the really great stuff. As usual, I am hanging out with a boy that is really nice and I'm hating him for it. So when I tell him that my birthday is this Sunday and I'm celebrating with Sunday Funday brunch and football he reminds me that he indeed likes both brunch and football suggesting that he would like my blessing to come. I sweetly smile and say "Ohh good. Maybe we can go out another day for my birthday." He looked defeated. I couldn't help it. I'm not ready to have him meet my friends yet - that would mean it's semi official that he might be a person I like. Plus, I feel like my friends are my family and boys shouldn't meet the family for a long time.

Last night I went to a fashion week event sponsored by Men's INC at Macy's along with Thrillist, Avion Tequila and Stella Artois and Vitamin Water combined with cute models. Whew. Thankfully, when you mix vitamin water with tequila (or tequila with a splash of Vitamin Water) you are not only dehydrating yourself but you are rehydrating at the same time! Brilliant! The night ended up with fist pumping to really great music. At least I thought it sounded good. Happy end to NY fashion week! We sure did end it classy...or not.

Click here to see pictures of the Thrillist event.

Fashions Night Out Fun

Last night was officially Fashions Night Out which is the official start off to the fashion season and Fall shopping. I was so excited to hop around from shop to shop, drink free drinks, and enjoy the night. My friend and I started at Bloomingdale's with a vodka drink. This wasn't just any old vodka. This vodka, or I should be more specific, the vodka bottle had LED lights on it that you could program to say whatever you wanted. The woman promoting Media Vodka put my name on the LED screen! Now talk about a bottle of vodka with my name on it!

Next stop at Bloomies was to get bright red lipstick. I had felt that my outfit was missing something and it was a perfect addition. Continuing back out to stores we decided to just pop in wherever had a drink. Awhile after that is when I had my Obvious Reasoning #1. See below list for further details. While walking between stores in Soho, we passes the Mercer hotel where Jared Leto casually walked into with his 10 speed. I immediately decided that I would pretend to be a guest at the hotel and go and chat him up. Unfortunately, the security guard asked me what room I was staying in and I failed to answer. This is when I had my Obvious Reasoning #2. Thankfully we wound up having champagne at Calvin Klein who had created the most uncomfortable situation by putting models in their underwear in a very awkwardly small store. We obviously stayed there for awhile.

Unfortunately this year, some places decided to have guest lists and not let their events open to the public unlike last year where anyone could get in anywhere if you could fight your way in. Upon being turned away to go into a store that we didn't think had a list, Obvious Reasoning #3 was upon me. While walking to get champagne at Miu Miu, Obvious Reasonings #4, 5, and 6 happened. By the way - an Obvious Reasoning is something that I should already know but felt like I was just learning them last night.

#1 - Anywhere that has free drinks in this city is going to be mobbed.
#2 - Don't think that just because a celebrity walks into a building means that you can just walk in right behind them. They are people too but just a bit more important when it comes to security guards and bouncer's standards.
#3 - New York will always have guest lists for something to create exclusivity. I'm surprised they don't have guest lists at the Holland and Lincoln Tunnels yet.
#4 - Starting the night out with Vodka, then mojhitos, then margaritas, then adding champagne will get you noticeably drunk.
#5 - Telling all of the people in the city to come out and shop at the same time I'd a death sentence for cab drivers since the pedestrians are all over the roads. No, sorry, you cannot turn left. It is mayhem.
#6 - Drunk girls in very very high heels lead to wipeouts. Note to all of you drunks out there who were in 6 inchers that they couldn't handle - It's not a good idea to try to run to keep up with your friends. You will face plant yourself onto the sidewalk. Ohh...but you already knew that? Idiots.

Fall-ing

Yesterday everyone in my office was wearing cute new Fall clothes. Since I haven't exactly had the cash flow to buy a new wardrobe, I have been kidding myself instead. I have been repeating in my head that I don't really like the Fall (lie), and that I'm not ready to stop wearing my Summer clothes yet (lie, minus the shoes), and that I'm not excited about all of the great new items in the H&M windows that I pass by almost everyday (definitely a lie)! I must have been crazy to think that this could have ever worked. Fall has always been one of my favorite seasons - because of back to school shopping of course! Since I haven't had to technically go back to school in the past few years it should really be called "I'm bored at the office so to make it new again I need fall clothes shopping."

Today it hit me that I couldn't ignore the shopping bug anymore. Forget bed bugs, I have been infected with the shopping bug for as long as I could walk. The crisp weather and seeing every ones amazing new clothes sent me over the edge. Thankfully my birthday is just around the corner and my parents have so generously contributed to my back to school fund. Tomorrow is Fashions Night Out that includes tons of discounts around the city and lots of free giveaways...Let the shopping begin!

Shake Your Love

I have always been a fan of the oldies and crazy 80's songs, anything that is considered a bad song is what I love. Of course I downloaded them onto my iTunes and have been constantly listening to music since I do not have my cable hooked up in my apartment. The other night, after a great dinner with the boy I have been calling Bongo Boy (I met him at the beach when he was playing in a band at the Tiki Bar), we wanted to watch a movie in my apartment. Unfortunately I own zero movies and it was too late to find and rent a movie from blockbuster. We decided to come back to my apartment and chat anyway. After a full glass of wine and great conversation, Bongo boy leaned in for the kiss. It was nice until Debbie (excuse me Deborah) Gibson started belting out her hit "Shake Your Love" in her finest 80's early 90's pop voice.

Immediately I started laughing. It was uncontrollable along with the images of me and my sister playing on our swing set listening to her, wishing we could be her. Poor Bongo Boy didn't know what to do. I had the giggles and nothing was stopping them. We will see if he ever wants to listen to my music again.



Thanks for all of your help throughout these years Debbie!

Kitchen Utensils

Since I moved into my new apartment, I have placed many kitchen utensils and tools in a jar on my counter top. Most of these spoons, scoopers, and tongs are a pretty blue color and they match my kitchen area. They have actually proven to be quite useful since I have acquired them. Unfortunately or fortunately (however you look at it) they haven't been used for much cooking at all.

Tongs - Perfect for grabbing the earring that fell all of the way behind the dresser and was tricky to pick up.

Rubber Spatula - Doubles as a great make-shift fly swatter.

Slotted Spoon - Used to reach to the top most closet, put through the loop in my suitcase or a handbag handle to pull closer for an easy reach.

Cherry Pitter - You can really only pit cherries with this guy. I will keep you posted if I find any other more practical uses.

Whisk - I still haven't used this tool. I have had this one for 3 years and haven't touched it with the exception of moving it from one kitchen to another. Completely useless.

Corkscrew - Of course this is the only practical and useful tool in my kitchen that is used for it's intended purpose.

Ice Cream Scoop - Once used this to hold down napkins that were blowing off of the table. Technically this was used in the kitchen. Used properly? I think not.

Happy Labor Day Weekend. I hope it isn't celebrated in the kitchen...unless you are my Mother who is cooking a yummy feast for me to enjoy ;)

Honey, Your Husband Is A Homosexual

This afternoon as I was waiting for my friend to pick up her sandwich at Cosi for lunch, I was watching 2 people enjoy their lunch at a table nearby. I thought it was peculiar that they were sitting so close on the same side of the booth but I assumed that was due to a lack of available seating. They laughed over their toasted sandwiches and I thought how cute it was that these friends were having such a fun time on their break from work. I had to chuckle to myself when the gentleman told an extravagant story - mostly with his hands. He sat cross legged and was very flamboyant. Then the friends kissed. When I say kissed, I mean sucked face. They were making out, tongue and all, right in the middle of Cosi for everyone to witness their public display of affection.

As I stood there flabbergasted, I wondered how this woman (the mans wife due to the sparkly ring on her left hand) didn't know that her husband was gay? This is a woman who is completely in denial but 5 months down the road when you catch him in bed with the neighbor boy you are going to say "I was blindsided. I had no idea!". Well, to the lady in Cosi, and all other ladies in denial about your husbands tendency to sing Broadway show tunes in the shower at a higher octave than your 5 year old niece, I am here to tell you that your husband is a homo and it is okay to dump him. Him and the paper boy will love you for it.

Walking On Sunshine

This weekend, when on the train platform waiting to go home from the beach, we saw this woman standing in head to toe tie dye. We thought she was a little loopy, especially since she was holding a hula hoop. Hey - to each their own right? And then she started hooping...



My sister made the comment that she must be the Richard Simmons of the hula hoop with a fanny pack...."Sweatin' to the Hula!" My friends and I decided that she had to be listening to Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and The Waves from the 80's. She was actually listening to hardcore rap when we saw her later. Maybe she can teach us a few things - Don't do drugs and have a damn good time doing whatever makes you happy! I hope you all enjoy this as much as I did!

To the guy in Starbucks that just commented on my blog name... I hope you read this because you were pretty cute :)

What's The Plan, Man?

I constantly get asked the question that starts as "What are your plans for...?" I constantly ask the question of others. Trying to coordinate plans can sometime seem like the most daunting job on earth. Plans are part of our daily lives whether getting the question at work - "How did we perform to our plan? Did we make plan? Do you have the plan?" What if I don't want to have a plan? At work it is used as a form of measurement to see how well we are doing but what about plans in life?

What in life can be measured by a plan? You might have a plan to accomplish something in 1 year but if the year flies by, as they always do, are you not successful or do you not measure up because you didn't "make plan"? What about plans with friends...we make them so that we can see our friends and try to accommodate every ones schedules. Sometimes just the scheduling of it all makes you want to cancel all of the plans and stay home. At home you might be planning what you are making for dinner or what TV show you want to watch. Does the planning ever end?

A few months ago, I met a girl whom I didn't really care for. Unfortunately her memory has been nagging at me since she visited the city. The thing that was bugging me was that this girl had what she deemed her "5 Year Plan" of all of the things that she wanted to accomplish over a short period of time. The worst part about all of it was that I was fearful of my next 5 years because I didn't have a "5 Year Plan". A few weeks ago, I made my plan. It put my mind at ease. Was it because I now have it all figured out? No. I have created dreams and things to look forward to. Now I can stop the planning and just keep living and working toward my dreams.

A Sparkly Horiscope

Last night when my date and I were grabbing a drink after dinner, and after the waxing incident, we were approached by a person who wanted to read our palms. This person, a man dressed as a woman with a cute blue sparkly hat and shimmery bright red lipstick, said that he/she knew the future. Being slightly tipsy and even more intrigued than anything, I held out my hand for him/her.

He/she began to tell me that I had just relocated and started a new chapter of my life. I just moved 2 months ago. I was hooked! What else did he/she have to tell me? He/she explained that I needed to use this new transition in my life as a stepping stone for all other things. Great things would happen if I could trust and let them happen. Then he/she motioned to my date and said "I haven't read his palm yet but he looks trustworthy!"

Thankfully when he/she read my dates palm he/she didn't have to go back on his/her word! It was a fun little way to end the date but all I was really thinking the entire time was if I would look cute in a bright red sparkly lipstick like he/she had on. Unfortunately I didn't ask where he/she got it.

Fiery Dates

Tonight I did something that I have never done before. I got a bikini wax...and then I went on a date. It hasn't been one of my best ideas ever. First if all, if you see someone ham it up in a movie and make fun of the experience and joke about it's extreme pain- they might not be joking. The wax made me want to scream pop stars names at the top of my lungs, namely Kelly Clarkson. Why anyone would pay so much money to inflict this type of pain on themselves is quite beyond me.

Right after my wax, I met my date at the South Street Seaport. Just the walk there was excruciating and it took me more than 10 minutes to walk what should have only taken 3. When my date insisted walking a little farther to to restaurant, I hoped it would be worth it. When he turned around and lead me back where we came from because "Oops, we missed it" I was ready to just fall over. Finally, we were going to be sitting down. Ouch. Unfortunately, sitting hurt more than walking around. Was that really possible?

Apparently it is possible to hurt more sitting down than standing up. My remedy of red wine combined with the Tylenol that I took early in the day didn't seem to do much at all. Despite my flaming midsection, I managed to have a fun time. Who knew that a person could be fun even if your crotch was on fire? Maybe he wasn't that funny, maybe I was just looking for a laugh to ease the pain.

My Rack

Whenever my mom comes to visit, she kindly cooks for me...since I don't cook for me this is greatly appreciated. I also appreciate her fixing my oven. When I first moved in I found it difficult to get things in and out of my oven. The oven rack had this bend in the front an whenever I tried to slide out the pizza tray or dish, it would get stuck on the lip of the rack. Why wasn't I using my microwave? I don't have one. Shocking. I know.

So I figured that there was nothing to do about my crazy oven racks and continued to struggle whenever getting something out after cooking. This weekend, my mother kindly pointed out that my oven racks were in the oven backwards. She also told me that she has lost all hope of me cooking one day and winders how she bore me from her womb. I have no idea. Thanks for cooking all of that yummyness this weekend Mom...even if it was done on a backwards oven rack :)

No Soup For Me

After a fun filled weekend with family and friends, I find myself continuing on with the head cold that started earlier in the week. While relaxing and reading the humongous September Issue of Vogue, my phone beeped with a text message. It was the boy that I had been on a few dates with wanting to know how my weekend had been and if I wanted to get together for dinner. Making my molehill of a cold into a mountain I told him that I would be sleeping for the remainder of the day to try to get better. Meanwhile, I just wanted to relax with my enormous magazine and avoid the rainy day outside.

Not even close to a minute later, he texted back that he makes a mean chicken noodle and I should consider it. He was just trying to be helpful but I chose to read into it the way no normal girl does. I said that I didn't trust his soup and was going to stick to Tylenol PM and herbal remedies to help myself. When in doubt just insult his cooking abilities and his aptitude for helping a sick person - that will drive him away. Or so I hoped. He responded with a get well wish and an offer for dinner later in the week. Maybe a dinner is in order. I mean, he has stuck it out this long even with me making fun of him and insulting his culinary expertise. Maybe I will think of a few more cheap shots before the appetizer arrives.

All In It's Place

Tonight I came back to my apartment after celebrating a friend's birthday expecting a mess. I knew that I was getting a new dishwasher since the old one broke and I knew my apartment would be in disarray. I had already moved a few furniture pieces so that they could maneuver in through the doorway without ruining anything. When I came back tonight everything seemed to be in it's place. Nothing was too dirty. Nothing wasn't where I had left it. Or so I thought.

I went into the bathroom and saw the toilet seat was up. Who comes into a chicks apartment and leaves the seat up? I never thought that I was one of those girls who cared where the seat was but boy was I wrong. Who knew how infuriating a toilet seat could really be?

Hook, Line, and Lost Her

Last Friday night I went on a second date with a guy that I met at the beach. I must have at least liked him a little bit since I agreed to a second date. When I met him at the bar, I was shocked that he actually looked cuter than I remembered. He gained a few points since normally I am super judgmental on a second date and tend to find ridiculous things wrong with a person.

Not surprisingly, after 2 drinks he was looking pretty cute and getting funnier by the minute. He even ran into friends at the bar and they seemed fun too. It is always a plus to meet a few random friends - I think it gives you a deeper insight to that person. Just as I was letting my guard down something strange happened. On my 3rd drink he started to get un-cute. I couldn't believe it! Does that really happen?! I immediately stopped drinking that drink and downed a glass of water hoping to reverse the effects of the previous drink.

Since the bar was close to my apartment, I suggested that he walk me home instead of making him get me a cab. It was a nice night and I was still hoping that the water would kick in. We had a nice chat on the walk and then when we stopped in front of my building, he kissed me. Romantic right? No, it wasn't. Right after he kissed me he said a phrase that I can now call that show of affection the "Kiss of Dating Death.". He said "I'm so hooked." I hoped that I hadn't heard him correctly so I asked him to repeat himself. He repeated "I'm just so hooked on you. You're awesome." I said goodnight and walked into my building thinking to myself that he just lost this fish on that cheesy line.

Not So Smart Car

After a quick hour of rollerblading, I was walking back to my apartment when I spotted a cute guy. He was on the West Side highway waiting at a traffic light. He saw me and smiled and gave a little wave. It wasn't until then that I realized there was something wrong with him. He was sitting in a smart car. Instantaneously I didn't like him. Thankfully he is doing good for the earth and all but he wasn't cute anymore while sitting in that car. Note to you boys out there - if you are trying to pick up a girl, it isn't smart to do it in a smart car. It's kind of like going to pick up your date on a tricycle.

On my walk home today, I got stuck behind a pair of women who were chatting up a storm about their husbands. The things they were saying about their husbands weren't very nice either. The thing that surprised me the most about their conversation was how loudly they were having it. Didn't they realize that they were walking down a busy New York City street?

At first I thought it was just me who thought this. However, when a group of people, myself included, were stopped waiting to cross the street, the one woman said "I had to practically beg him to get on top of me. I yelled at him and said that I would only be ovulating for the next 3 days so he'd better get to work." I think one woman almost fell into oncoming traffic. The man next to the women glanced over with a worried look on his face, shook his head and snickered to himself. I was thinking about her poor husband. Not only does this woman's friend know about their bedroom behavior and her ovulation cycle but so does a handful of unfortunate New Yorkers. Here is a little advice for all of you Walkers and Talkers out there...

- Keep it down! No one cares that you got into a fight with your boyfriend, or the girl at work drove you nuts. Hell, the person that you are talking to probably doesn't even give a shit.

- Ovulation is not a public topic. See above.

- Lady on the street today: Tell your friend to stop discussing her personal issues with you. If you don't feel comfortable telling her that, tell her what you really think - her husband doesn't want to have a baby with your friend because of her big mouth.

- Be mindful of the people around you. One never knows when a story is going to be so harsh that it scares a woman to almost dive into traffic or startles an old woman due to the inappropriate topic of discussion.

- If you are clinically crazy, shout at the top of your lungs about whatever you want. You are excused.

Wardrobe Wonders

I am going through my closets in search of something to wear to Atlantic City this weekend. As I am flipping through the dresses I slowly begin to realize that I have nothing appropriate to wear. By appropriate, I mean inappropriate. Atlantic City isn't always the classiest of places and definitely isn't where you should try out your brand new dress for the office.

Does the fact that I don't have any inappropriate clothes mean that I am getting old and growing up?! If it does, I'm headed out to go shopping for something low cut, short, and sparkly!

Caught Red Faced

This week has been filled with fun. Seeing as I haven't posted in a few days - too much fun! Drinks, dancing, and dinners have been my life for the past few days. I even went to the beach this weekend. Today, when I got back into the city, I was planning on relaxing after a long bus ride. However, my motivated friend went to the gym and she inspired me to get outside and exercise. As usual, I Rollerbladed. I was feeling so inspired that I went another 10 streets farther than normal!

Something that I don't enjoy about exercise is how I look afterwards. My face, no matter what I do, gets beat red with any physical exertion. I was relaxing on a bench at the end of my marathon rollerblading session and sweat was dripping down my red face. I used my shirt to wipe off my face due to lack of a towel. When I looked up from behind my shirt, I see two stunning older gentlemen one of which was Hugh Grant. I saw him smiling so I smiled back but then began to laugh at the irony. Of course I would see a beautiful actor when and only when I had a face as red as a red delicious apple. Maybe I will be inspired to Rollerblade even more now!

The Toughest Weight Loss Plan

This evening as I was frantically running around the city looking for a Staples for printer ink, I came across one of the meanest things ever. Besides the fact that I didn't realize there was a Staples one block away from my apartment is beyond me but since I walked over 20 blocks to find one, was why I saw one of the craziest form of irony.

Imagine, if you will, trying to lose weight. It is a very difficult thing for millions of people. It is something that they struggle with on a constant basis. Now imagine that person finally gets the courage to ask for help about their weight. Taking this as a step in the right direction, they head to the Jenny Craig Weight Loss center on 15th and Broadway. As they are walking to sign up for their new life, they completely pass the entrance to the weight loss center. Thy didn't pass the building because they weren't sure of the address. They pass their new lease on life because they headed next door to the McDonald's.

It's a son of a bitch isn't it!

Lasik For Dates

Once again my girlfriends and I were talking about dates and how exactly to find them. One of the afore mentioned girlfriends is a tall blonde beauty who is so nervous to say hi to anyone that she thinks is cute. This results in no dates.

She mentions that she can't always see a person who is walking by her until they are really close so she doesn't realize if they are cute until too late. As good friends, we start suggesting remedies to her unfortunate eye problem. Why not wear your glasses all of the time? A boy would also think that you are even smarter because of your extra accessories. She replies with "But the eye doctor said that I only have to wear them for driving and stuff - not walking down the street." Well maybe your doctor doesn't realize the severity of the situation of no dates in NYC.

The suggestion of LASIK eye surgery came about since my friend didn't want to wear her glasses all of the time. We chatted about how routine the procedure has become and that it is widely popular and helpful. She stopped us there by saying "Do you realize what lengths I have to go to get a date in this town?! I'm considering eye surgery so that I can see boys better. This is ridiculous."

Point well taken, but maybe you should just consider smiling at every boy you see on your walk to work. Even if they aren't cute you can just say "No" to a date. Chances are he could be cute too. Honestly, it doesn't matter if your date is cute or not - you can't see him anyway.