Sext Me Baby

Tonight, I realized that I am officially old. Yes, old...at the age of 26. The first thing that made me realize this was the screaming and carrying on outside of my apartment. There are Halloweeners on the street yelling and Halloweening. I hate Halloween. I am old. I hate screaming Halloweeners.

I also realized that I am old because I cannot Sext. Do you know what a Sext is? I only recently learned that it is supposedly a sexy text message. Yes, a Sext and yes, I'm old. I cannot Sext. Maybe it is because I am not a good lier. I cannot sit on my couch watching Brothers & Sisters on ABC while drinking a glass of red wine and scarfing down something that I call a dinner and be witty and funny and, much less, sexy through a text message. Also note, I am sitting on the couch in granny panties, slippers, and a t-shirt. A really big t-shirt, for the record. They are also really ugly slippers. Slippers aren't sexy unless they are covered in feathers and are in the form of a high heel.

I know that answering the text message back with something highly inappropriate isn't going to help the situation. I am still going to feel old and I will feel like a phony. A Sexty phony that is. Unfortunately being older also means being wiser. Maybe I will just text those Halloweeners outside and tell them to shut the hell up so that I can watch my TV show and go to bed early.