One of the first major things that I comes to mind is that really dumb quote by some rapper "Don't hate the player. Hate the game" Well, I hate that quote. Although, I think there is some relevance to it when you split it apart and take it piece by piece. It is similar to the quote "Don't kill the messenger." It isn't the person that you should take things out on, it is the actual information that they are giving (or the game that they are playing) that you should be upset about. However, I do think that you need to know if that person is playing that game or delivering that message deliberately.
What I mean by that goes back to the conversation that I was having with my friend. Are we playing the game on purpose, because we know it works, or are we just the messenger, doing what we feel is right and, instead accidentally playing the game? For example, my gay boyfriend has met a bunch of guys recently. When a guy called him to hang out or go out on a date, he had unfortunately been too busy the past few weeks. Normally, he would jump at the chance to go out with the guy the exact day that he calls. Instead, he is too busy and has to schedule another time to go on a date. The men have been calling him constantly and repeatedly to hang out. This is an inadvertent way to "play" the game. My gay boyfriend isn't lying when he says that he is busy or already has other plans, but to the other guy it sets up a challenge. We ladies all know that men are competitive and it makes it a game to them to see if they can get an actual date. Even if it isn't football, baseball, or basketball, it is still a game and a sport.
A similar situation has also happened to myself. While telling the truth and being honest to the guys that I date and explaining to them that I do not want a serious relationship, I set up the challenge. Even though I am telling the truth, the guy makes it his quest to make me into relationship material. I can only assume that is why I have been on so many dinners and dates with the same people over and over again even after telling them I don't want anything serious. You can hate the game all that you want, but it happens even when you really aren't trying to play it. Also know that even if they are playing the game with me by taking me to fancy restaurants with great wine, I will play right along.
The true question comes in when you look at the phrase all together and question it as a whole. Can you hate the player if he is really trying to play the game on purpose? Another friend of mine was left questioning the actions of her date due to her inability to decipher if he was trying to play the game or was genuinely being a great guy. Her date gave the sweet and super nice approach and said all of the right things, including the classic "You are unlike any girl that I have ever met." Well congratulations - a man finally figured out that all people are individuals and no one is alike. Why does this make us ladies feel so great? I have no idea, but when a guy tells you that, it is hard not to feel all warm and fuzzy inside. How is she supposed to know if her date is being genuine or not? How does she know that he doesn't say this to every girl that he dates because he knows how much it makes us swoon? It might not seem like he can play the game, but maybe that is also part of his bag of tricks. "I don't really date at all" and "I don't know the last time like I have felt like this about someone" are all great lines until he tells you about his last girlfriend that he dated about 2 weeks ago.
I think that this is a question for all of you readers out there...what do you think? Do you play the game a little and get his attention or not play at all and find him uninterested? Are guys playing the game on purpose or doing it inadvertently by actually meaning that "You are the greatest girl I have ever met"? And if the game actually works and the guy and the girl end up together, does it matter how you got there? I need a little help on this one....
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