Fat Skinny Jeans

Yesterday I wore a pair of jeans that I like to call my Fat Skinny Jeans. The only problem with them, besides the fact that I wear them on days when I feel fat, is that they have spandex in them. After just an hour or two of wearing them, they turn into my not so skinny Fat Skinny Jeans. I don't wear my Skinny Skinny jeans if I am not feeling skinny, but my Fat Skinny Jeans stretch so much that they make me look fatter. What is a skinny fat girl to do?

Here's to hoping that I fit into my Skinny Skinny jeans again...

Basketball And Famous Guys

Tonight, my friend and I went to the Knicks game at Madison Square Garden. Even though they ended up losing in the last few seconds of the game, we still had a blast. We sat next to a curious older man that went by the name of William. At half time, he went down to the court and was talking with Patrick Ewing - a famous basketball player. He wouldn't tell us his last name because he said that "we would Google him." Had he heard our earlier conversation?

When my friend went to the restroom, I chatted with the old guy. He asked where I was from, where I worked and if I liked the city. Then he asked if I had a boyfriend. Like an idiot, I said "No." I always find that the easiest answer is a "Yes." That way, the person can say "Ohh darn" and let it go. If you say that you do not have a boyfriend, then you are stuck. They ask "Why not?" and have to answer a bunch of annoying questions. My answer to "Why not?" was that there were too many to choose from. He agreed. Silly old man, I thought. Towards the end of the 3rd quarter, William got up to leave. He asked for our phone numbers and said "I am going to change your life." Of course I would give a phone number to anyone who promised me that. We shook hands and he left the game. I can only imagine that anyone who says that they are going to change your life definitely means it....

Parking Ticket No No

This past weekend, I went on a little date with Bar Boy. I guess it is a stretch to call it a date, since I don't like him, but we did have a meeting time. One thing that threw me off guard was when he parked his car (yes, he has a car in the city and no, I still don't like him). After he parked, he dug in his glove compartment and pulled out an orange envelope. He proceeded to place the orange envelope on his windshield under the wiper. Instantly I wondered what the heck he was doing.

He placed an actual parking ticket, that he had gotten previously, on his car so that he wouldn't have to pay for the meter. What the hell? While, it is a smart idea for a college kid with zero money and ridiculously high school bills, it is not so smart for Bar Boy. He is a lot older than a college kid and makes double my salary in one bonus. Note to all of you boys who think that they have a new ingenious idea: Don't do it! The girl you are with will think that you are cheap and sneaky.

On The Wings Of B.S.

I just finished watching The Bachelor - On The Wings Of Love, as it is so ridiculously named. As I was watching, besides trying not to gag myself, I noticed a recurring theme this evening. Lets see if you can pick it up too...

"You are such an amazing girl." - 5 minutes later, he sends her home.

"I just get lost in your eyes." - 10 minutes later, he sends her home.

"I am just not sure about her. Something might be off." - Half an hour later, he gives her a rose.

Do you see what it is? It is an inconsistency between what the bachelor says and then does. Hmmm where have I heard of this before? Ohh, I know! I have heard this from almost every guy that I know. "Sure honey, I will do the dishes." - The dishes never get done. "I promise, I will never do anything like that again." - He does it again (What? You thought he wouldn't?). Make sure to keep an ear out for these little hints and misleading catchphrases. They are the tools that he uses to keep you guessing and on your toes.

Presentation Party

What a sense of relief I had after my presentation on Thursday afternoon. Thankfully, I followed all of my presentation tips that I mentioned in my last post. It went very well and I didn't have to pee in the middle of it!

Since I was so relieved to be finished with it and almost through a very rough week, my coworkers and I headed out for a few drinks. Well, a few too many drinks. The best part about the presentation was definitely the celebration of the end of it. Why not celebrate with beers and boys? We went to Katwalk for a few drink specials and then went to Brother Jimmy's. At Brother Jimmy's we were hoping to meet a few guys since it tends to always be packed with them and our boss suggested it as one of the best places to "dudes" as he called them. Once we finally each got a drink, I looked around the room. There were guys there, but unfortunately a large group of them standing next to us were wearing skinny jeans and had better handbags than we did. Our boss led us right into a group of gay men. If I wanted to meet a gay guy I could have just gone to Bloomingdales after work. Even though we didn't meet any good guys, we still had a lot of fun playing Skee Ball, Buck Hunter, and drinking beers. The only unfortunate thing was that all of that beer and Buck Hunter until 1 am didn't feel so great in the morning.

Presentation Stress

Tomorrow at work I am presenting a project to a slew of higher ups and important people. I am getting a little stressed out over it. Even though I keep telling myself that the more worried about it that I get, the worse it will be, I cannot seem to stop going over it in my mind. What if I fall and twist my ankle? What if I pass out? What if I have to pee in the middle of the presentation? What if I'm going crazy?

Just for fun, here are a few presentation tips that have been mentioned to me in the past - in case you are also freaking out about nothing like I am.

- Relax (easier said than done!)

- Take a few slow, deep breaths (It will slow your heart rate)

- Practice (duh)

- If you fumble or mess up, its okay to say so (It apparently makes a connection with your audience)

- Smile (I just like this one, not sure if it helps with the presentation part)

- Pee before the presentation (duh again)

- Relax!!!

Wish me luck!

Are You Sure I Shouldn't Say These?

My Gay Boyfriend recently pointed this article out to me from Yahoo on 10 Things You Should Never Say to Your Boyfriend. In summary, it gives a list of everything that everyone always says to their significant others. Here are a few of my thoughts on this list...

1) "My ex did the exact same thing!"

- What if he really did? It is a reminder/warning for the person that you are telling never to do that exact same thing. If they do, you can always say that you warned them.

2) "Helen's pregnant ... Shhhh"

- This is just silly. Don't tell any guy a secret. When a guy hears a secret, they are like a kid before Christmas; just too excited to keep it in.

3) "When we're married/have kids..."

- Obviously don't say this on the first, second, or third dates.

4) "Do You Think She's Pretty?"

- I would only ask this if she really is pretty and you know that he will answer "Yes" and you will be okay with it. If you think that he is going to say "No", just don't ask the question.

5) "I'm fine" or "Never mind"

- I don't see any problem with this. The guy should know that you are not fine and that he should pay a little mind. It is his problem if he doesn't know this unwritten rule.

6) "I just let one go"

- Disgusting. Never say this. I agree with the article, unless you want to hear the same thing from him of course

7) “I’ll try anything once!”

- I see nothing wrong with this. You should always be willing to try anything within reason.

8) “Are you sure you're okay?"

- I say bug the shit out of him until he cracks.

9) “I hate my thighs”

- If you don't point them out, then maybe he won't notice. If you really hate your thighs put down the chocolate ice cream and get to the gym.

10) "I hate your mom"

- What if she is a bitch?! Then what are you supposed to say?

Just a few of my thoughts..... :)

Texting The Truth

Today I got a text message from a boy that I have been avoiding for over a year Lets call him Annoying Texter. He has texted me at least once a week since we hung out in October of 2008... yes, that long ago. I never wanted to be rude, so I never said "It just isn't going to work" or "I'm just not interested." Today he texted me and asked to hang out. I wimped out again and said that I already had plans. I have zero plans for today. Then Annoying Texter said " If you don't want to hang out, you can just say so." He gave me the green light and I said so. I texted back nicely "Yes, I'm sorry. I just don't think it is going to work out." He responded being a bit touchy saying that he didn't realize that he had rubbed me the wrong way and that he didn't know why I wouldn't just hang out with him. Again, I politely said "I apologize but it isn't going to work." I mean, he asked me to tell him and I did. Honestly I am glad that he asked because I was sick of being Miss Nice Girl and either ignoring his texts completely or nicely turning him down. I would have thought that over a year of not seeing him it would make him realize that I didn't want to see him. Hopefully he understands now that he shouldn't text me anymore.

Five minutes after Annoying Texter's last text message, which I ignored, I got another. Annoyed wondering what he could possibly say now, I looked at my phone. Instead of being Annoying Texter whom I hadn't seen in over a year, it was the boy that I was hoping would text me all along - Two days later.

I wonder now if it is karma at work with my text messaging. Maybe you should just always tell people what you are thinking. Looking back, I think I gave Annoying Texter reason to think that I might eventually want to hang out by saying that I was always too busy. Maybe he thought that I would actually one day not be so busy and want to hang out with him. It sure would have saved me a lot of trouble in the end. I will be sure to tell the new boy that I do want to hang out with him soon. I just might wait until tomorrow to message him back though.

Orange Shoe Laces

I am currently sitting in Union Square drinking a Grande French Vanilla Cappuccino from Starbucks. I wanted to be inside of the Starbucks on my computer but it is so nice outside here and all of the tables were full there. As I am sitting here, a guy just approached me and asked where the Whole Foods was. I seriously doubt that he was going food shopping, but I looked across the street and pointed out the obvious Whole Foods store to his left. He stood beside me and talked a little bit. He is visiting from Philadelphia and happened to notice my orange shoe laces. Yeah, if you visit from Philadelphia, I am highly doubting that you need to run to the grocery store.

I don't know if it is my cautious nature or my mother in my head, but as he was talking to me, I clutched my purse, had my hand on my computer and held my Starbucks tightly. I didn't want him to run off with my purse or my coffee. He ended up saying that it was nice to meet me and leaving after a few minutes to walk away with his friend. What was the point of coming up to me, asking if I like Philly or New York better, commenting on my shoe laces and then walking away? He didn't seem totally crazy but I thought that he would have asked for my number or something. Obviously I wouldn't have given it to him since he had so many necklaces on, but it would have been a little boost of confidence. He wasn't completely ugly.

The next guy to come up to me and comment on my orange shoe laces was a 60 year old man with a dog. Maybe if I sit here even longer someone really amazing will come along. I'm going to wear these shoes more often. Thank you Michael Kors!

Insanity Through Text Messages

Despite being very busy at work with plenty to keep me busy and occupied, I thought about the text message that I resolved to write today. I decided that I had to do it today because I would drive myself insane if I didn't. Here were the ideas that I was thinking about for a quick little message to the boy that I have been obsessing over just because he hasn't called me:

"Hi, How was your trip?" - Simple, yet asks a question which I hope he answers

"Hi. How was your trip? I was thinking about going to see Avatar. If you haven't seen it would you want to see it with me?" - What if he did see it? He could say No. This is too long of a text message.

"Hi. How was your trip? I was thinking about going to see Avatar. Want to see it with me?" - This removes the part about if he has already seen the movie. If he has already seen it, well, he should see it again.

"I was thinking about going to see Avatar. Want to see it with me?" - Is it stupid to ask him to a movie? Shouldn't he be doing this?

"Hi" - Too simple and too dumb.

"You are insane. Stop being crazy." - The text message that I should have written to myself.

After all was said and done and thought over for hours, I sent a simple message that was not on the above list. I sent it after I got out of work. I obviously didn't want him to think that I had been thinking about him when I was busy at work. I wrote:

"Hey! It's been awhile. Hope your holidays were great." - I stole this suggestion from my friend. If you think it is dumb, take it up with her. I personally liked it.

Almost 2 painful hours later he wrote back: "Hey what's up? My holidays were good, but since I have been back work has taken over my life." - Was this him making excuses as to why he hasn't called me? Was this him saying that he could be too busy to see me?

I followed up with a nonchalant "Yeah I hear that. We should hang out sometime soon when you are free." - Again a suggestion from a friend.

Then - nothing. No return text, no follow up, no nothing. Is that his way of saying No, I will never be free? Since when have I cared about this crap? All of this just because a boy didn't call me over the holidays! If he would have just been like every other boy and bothered me until he annoyed me I wouldn't be having this problem. And the waiting begins again...

Literary Genius In A Text

Tonight I went to a free writing class through Gotham Workshops. At first, I was a little disappointed when the teacher turned out looking more like Bill Nye The Science Guy than the dreamy handsome writer that I was imagining. In the end, I was thankful that he wasn't as cute as I had hoped. I learned a lot more and listened more closely rather than worrying about if I was looking funny while I was supposed to be thinking about writing. Yes, I do think like this.

With all of my knew knowledge about writing and how to engage the reader, I will be applying it to my first masterpiece - a text message to a boy whom I am obsessing over. I am not one to admit that I am obsessing over someone, however, he hasn't called me since before the holidays. This might be the main reason that I am thinking about him constantly. I have turned into that girl. You know, THAT girl. Wondering if the text message or voicemail that she just received is from him, wondering when he will call, if he will call. He hasn't called or texted and he is all I can think about. So therefore I will be using all of my newly found writing and literary skills to compose a casual, yet precise text message to him. Wish me luck because I think I have gone insane.

Sex And The City Trivia

Tonight, I went with a few girlfriends after work to Duke's to have a few drinks and play Sex and the City trivia. You would have thought that we were up to win $1,000 for how intense we were. They had questions about the characters, quotes, and about the movie. Even though it was a room full of chicks, I still had fun. We knew most of the answers, however we didn't win. It is always a fun night when Sex and the City is involved. I was a tiny bit disappointed that I missed the drama on The Bachelor though. Who knew I would actually miss watching those bitches fight for that dumb guy.

Lady or Ma'am

Last night, I went out with a few girlfriends for dinner and drinks. After a great dinner, we went to have a drink at a bar close by. We went to Fat Cat where they have games and pool tables and a relaxed atmosphere. When we got there, we realized that not only were they letting in people over 21, but they were letting in people younger than that as well. They were everywhere. You could tell who was under 21 not because they weren't holding a beer, but because they were just so young looking. Was that because I was just so much older than them? Then, as we went to leave, a guy said to his friend "Hey, move out of the way for the Lady," as we were walking by their pool game. Lady?!?! Now I really felt old. I got home around midnight and felt even older. I should be out partying until 4 am on a Friday night, not crawling into bed at 12:30.

I woke up feeling refreshed and secretly happy that I hadn't stayed out too late. I went to the gym and did my errands. As I was checking out at the grocery store an hour ago, the clerk said to me "How are you doing today Ma'am?" Well Mr. Grocery Checker-Outer, I was doing just fine until you called me Ma'am! Do I look like I am 70 years old? I can understand that last night I might have looked a lot older while standing next to 18 and 19 year olds, but in the grocery store there was an 80 year old man and a 40 year old woman behind me in line. I must look a little younger at the grocery store. I am hoping that he just calls everyone Ma'am. Just to take extra precaution, I am going to get a facial.

Another Reason To Stay Single

There was recently a New York Times article written about how women gain weight when they are in relationships. There is an obvious weight gain when a woman who is in a relationship have children. There is, however, a weight gain that has been recorded when a woman is in a relationship even if she doesn't have children.

So what can we learn from this study? Don't get into a relationship or you will get fat. If you do get into a relationship, immediately run to the gym and stock up on salad...you are going to be needing it.

Avoid and Prosper

Have you ever been on a date where you just didn't want to kiss the guy at the end of it? You feel obligated to kiss him but you really don't want to because there wasn't a spark or you just like him as a friend. It is usually an awkward moment at the door when he drops you off because he might lean in for the kiss and you don't, or you just give him a quick peck on the cheek or lips even though you didn't want to at all. I have found two effective ways out of that after date kiss. It is an ego killer, but it keeps things fun and nice. It is the High-I'mDodgingTheKiss-Five and the Fist-I'mNotFromNewJersey-Pump.

If you are ever in this same situation where you don't want to kiss the guy and he wants to kiss you, just hold up your hand. It could be in a fist or an open palm. He will automatically, since he is a guy, raise his hand in the same manner. Before he knows it, he is slapping you five or fist pumping your hand. It is at this same moment when he realizes that he is not getting a kiss from you. He will most likely be a little upset, however, you are not going to let him get a word in. Give him the pump or the slap while saying "I had such a great time. Thank you so much." You can then turn around and walk into your building or house or apartment. You said your thank yous and your praises and you are moving on. You also might want to say "Have a good night" just before you walk away. This makes sure that he knows you wish him well and hopefully no hard feelings will be had. This does not guarantee that he will not call you again, but it helps you to avoid any uncomfortable situations.

New Hair, New Boys

Tonight, I got my hair cut. I am so excited about it because it always looks so fun and fresh after I get it done. It is not a new style, just the same old thing but updated. I always feel like getting a new haircut boosts your energy. It gives you a spring in your step. It also brings new boys into your life, which is always fabulous.

It has always been a rule between my friends and I that New hair = New boys. I am not sure the reasoning, but it is always true. It is a whole new you to be celebrated with all new boys. I can't wait to find out who I meet next! I will be sure to write about it here, so we will all find out soon.

Shoe Shopping Date

Last night I turned down a dinner date for shoe shopping. I didn't like the guy very much anyways, but I do love shoes! When he asked to go to dinner I said to him "I'm sorry but I already have plans. I'm going shoe shopping." I think he might have been a little hurt but who cares - there were shoes to be had! At least I know what my priorities are ;)

Conveyor Of What The Hell

Just when I thought that the bitchy and whiny ladies from The Bachelor couldn't get any more annoying, there were the girls of Conveyor Of Love. If you missed this awful display, I am truly sorry because you missed a very good laugh. 5 girls were set up on a stage to watch their future dates roll by them on a conveyor belt. All of the guys were dorks - obviously. It was just a ridiculous "reality" show.

However, when I was discussing the show with my friend, we commented about how the bad show isn't that much different than meeting guys at the bar. Of course, the bar is missing the conveyor belt but it isn't lacking in men. Women are constantly looking around to see who is at the bar, who is cute, what they are wearing...not that much different from the Conveyor Of Love disaster. The bar, however, includes alcohol which makes getting to know someone easier since if they are a little tipsy, they tell you the truth. Thankfully there will not be anyone in their skivvies holding their fluffy Pomeranian at the bar. Or should I say hopefully? I am not sure what kind of bars everyone goes to.

Bullshit Bachelor

It has only been 5 minutes into the new season of the Bachelor and I already want to throw up. First, they show him cooking with his shirt off and grabbing a glass of water. Ohh Please! Then, as he is talking about Love and mushy shit, he puts his pilot shirt on. "I am excited at the chance of finding love again." Why don't they just slit my wrists. The camera shots go from the beach - no shirt, to flying, to his bedroom - no shirt, to the beach - no shirt. Honestly?

I am sure that the person writing his script is some 80 year old lady who just finished reading a romance novel. This doesn't happen. I can't wait to count how many girls they make cry in the first episode. I bet they make him cry 4 episodes in ;)

Tongue Tied At The Elevator

I keep running into Bartender Boy almost every day now at the elevator. I should have named him Elevator Boy. Isn't it funny how tongue tied you get when you didn't expect to see them? I continue to see him while I am getting out of the elevator and he is getting in or vice versa. I am always looking like crap running to the gym or coming back from there (another gym hazard) and he is always looking so amazing.

Today I ran into him and he said "I am always running into you." I said "Yeah, haha." Ughh what am I thinking?! He probably thinks that I am stupid or something and cannot make a conversation. I just can't think of something witty and funny to say in the 2 seconds that I have before one of us jumps in the elevator. From now on, I will be planning out things to say for when I run into him in the hallway. I will also make sure to at least put on some mascara to go to the gym next time. I swear that one of these times I am just going to ask him out; then maybe we can actually plan to meet at the elevator one time.

Just Add Butter

At the gym today (yes, I am going to the gym again - not a resolution, it's just a good idea) I turned on the television attached to the elliptical machine. What was on TV? The Food Network. How ironic, I thought. It was Paula Dean. She was making bread pudding with chocolate in it. As she was having some guy mix up all of the ingredients, she was spraying the pan with "non-fat cooking spray". If you followed her instructions you would then put the butter and chocolate loaded bread pudding mixture in the pan and put it into the oven for 45 minutes at 350 degrees.

Next, you would make a toffee rum sauce for the top of it. The ingredients for this sauce included 2 sticks of butter, rum, sugar, and vanilla extract. This sauce gets simmered on the stove-top and then poured over the baked bread pudding. What was the point of that non-fat cooking spray again? And why in the hell would anyone watch this show while on the elliptical? It kind of defeats the purpose of going to the gym if the first thing you do is run home and make this recipe. Beware, Paula Dean might want to give you a heart attack rather than a nice dessert.