New Year, New You?

I always hear the phrase "New Year, New You" just after Christmas and ending just before the Super Bowl. Personally, I love to reflect on the past year and move forward into the new one. However, one thing that I do not want for the new year is a whole new me. I have worked hard on this me. I have learned so much these past few years, especially the last one, and I don't want that to go away. I like what I have built me to be. Please, don't throw it all away just because the date is January 1st. Work with what you have got and add to it, take away a few things, and mix it up - but not completely brand new. A haircut is always a good refresher, it gets rid of the dead stuff and lightens you up. A few new pairs of shoes never hurt anyone either, but don't forget about the old ones laying in the closet. They have been through some amazing times that you wouldn't want to leave behind.

So, as you ring in the new year with your bells and whistles, in your fun outfit, bring that person from 2009 with you to 2010. She was a damn good time last year and you will want her along for the ride.

Mr. Right Doesn't Measure Up

For the past 72 hours I have been growing my new boyfriend. When I looked at him this morning he had grown a hefty set of moobs (man boobs) and one of his legs was shorter than the other. I guess growing your own boyfriend has it's pitfalls too.

I took him out of the water and he is shrinking as you read this. Maybe by the time he is back to his original size I will have met a new real guy.

Mr. Right

I hope that everyone had a lovely holiday. I know that I definitely did. Spending time with my family always makes me happy. Another thing that makes me happy - My new boyfriend. I know, you are shocked aren't you? Yes, I finally caved and finally found a guy who is worth my time and energy.

His name is Mr. Right. He is about 2 inches tall but grows over 3-4 times his size when you put him into warm water. He grows within 2 hours and reaches his full potential in only 72 hours. Magnificent! Can your boyfriend do that? I bet not. My boyfriend can also be grown over and over again. The good thing about this? When I get pissed off at him, all I have to do is take him out of water and dry him up. His one drawback, he is a choking hazard and is not for children of under 3 years old.

Mr. Right is perfect because he doesn't talk back. He is always around when I want him to be. He resembles a super hero and we all know that they are all pretty cute. I can also bring him with me wherever I go if I wish. He also conveniently fits in my purse. What more could a girl ask for?

Happy Holidays!

Running For The Bus

I am out of breath. I have been on the bus going home for about a half an hour now and I still cannot catch my breath. I was originally supposed to leave work early to be on a bus much earlier than now, however, I helped out a little extra at work. My horoscope today said that good deeds never go unnoticed so I figured that helping out was the best decision. I was feeling very accomplished until the point when I literally sprinted out of the office with my suitcase that is bigger than I am. I looked ridiculous running through he crowded streets with my flaming pink suitcase knocking people over as I went.

So much for my good deeds at work. Those were all negated each time I rolled over a person's foot. They can thank my family for that...they are getting some pretty heavy gifts this year!

Happy Holiday Fun

Yesterday as I got onto the train to go to work, the conductor said "Happy Holidays New York!!!" very loudly and with so much enthusiasm. After weeks of shopping and decorating and still not being in the holiday mood, the train driver finally made me smile. He jump-started my spirit so much that last night I even listened to holiday songs as I ate my dinner.

Tonight I have my work holiday party so I am glad that I finally got my cheer ;)

Last Day For The Sales?

All this week I was stressing out about getting my holiday shopping done. I was running around the city looking for the perfect gifts. I was also getting continual emails from stores claiming that it was "The Last Day." They were saying that it was the last day for the sale, for the deals, for the shipping, for the best gifts. However, I continued to get these emails all week from the same stores.

A quick note to all of you online retailers - Please don't freak out your shoppers by making them think it is their last chance to get the best gifts. It is just mean. You make us worry and stress over gifts when we actually have a few days left. Yes, we are cutting it close and we know it, but we are just waiting for the right thing to come along. And we also know that the best deals to be had are after the holidays, so don't try to fool us online retailers :)

Could It Be Fate?

Last night I lost my phone. The precious phone that I worked so hard to get. The phone that I cannot live without. I felt lost going to work today without it, naked almost. I tried to locate the phone online but it doesn't work when the phone is turned off. I had already gone online to deactivate it so that no one could make calls and ring up the bill. I had called everywhere that I thought possible, but knew that it was most likely the cab that I had left it in. Unfortunately, that is also similar to a black hole where nothing can be found and nothing gets returned.

Around noon, I decided to reactivate the phone to give it one more call. Maybe, just maybe the phone would be turned on and someone could tell me where it was. Thank goodness that I did! This very sexy sounding Australian answered. What if losing my phone was fate all along. My husband and I would meet because of this wonderful phone that I couldn't live without. The phone is so amazing that it would help me find my husband...what a great selling point for Apple.

Unfortunately the Aussie wasn't as sexy as his voice. Fortunately he returned my phone to me. Fate or not, I have the love of my life back. Yes, I consider the phone to be one of my great loves.

Match Date

Last night, as my Gay Boyfriend and I were having a drink and a bite to eat at Pastis, we began talking to a woman at the bar. She was meeting a guy for a drink whom she had met on Match.com. We were all wondering who this guy would be. Even though I had been on blind dates before, I had never witnessed one happening. She had seen his picture online and they had sent a few emails back and forth before they decided to meet for drinks. My Gay Boyfriend, the bartender, and I were all betting on if he would be cute or not - people do lie in their pictures and profiles.

Thankfully for her, he had been cute and she recognized him right away, so he didn't photo shop the picture too bad. When he re-introduced himself to her, she said that she had actually recognized him from a few years ago. He had sold her and her ex husband an apartment a few years back. What a small, big city! She might have made her crucial error there when she mentioned her ex husband within the first 5 minutes. Fortunately, he didn't bolt and sat down to order a drink and talk some more. His fatal mistake was that he talked about himself the entire time. He told her what he did for a living, where his family was from, what he likes about the city around the holidays, but he didn't once ask her what she thought. A "How about you?" or a "What do you think?" would have been polite. This just showed that he was a little too into himself and didn't care to know what she thought about anything. You could tell by her body language that she was pulling away from him, even her bar stool got farther and farther back. We didn't stay too long to see how it ended but I hope that lady ran for the hills from that self centered guy. Good luck dating out there, it is a big sea and there are a ton of other fish!

Cutting Off Communication

In relationships, it is tough to stick to your word. You say to yourself that you won't call. You call. You say that you won't be too needy. You get needy. They say that they won't get angry when you go out with your girlfriends. He gets overprotective. Even after a relationship is broken off, it gets hard to follow through with what you should do and what you really want to do. If you break up and cut ties with each other, it is the hardest thing to not wonder what they are doing that day and if they were actually having fun without you being there. However, that is exactly the moment when you have to stay strong - your moment of weakness.

During this moment of weakness you may say something that you don't mean to say. You might hurt the person that you only wanted to help. It is such a thin line between being helpful and hurtful. So what do you do? You can't call but you want to. You want to be needy and available but you can't. You have to wait it out but the last thing you have is patience. Here is a noteworthy trick so that you do not talk to that person...delete them out of your phone. This way, when you are "recovering" with a bottle of Smirnoff, you won't "accidentally" call him up and yell at him or cry into his voicemail. Today my friend did just that. She deleted him out of her cell phone. I couldn't believe she would have such strength knowing that it would be very hard for myself to do the same and I asked "Really? Wow. That is such a good idea." She replied "Yeah, I deleted him out of the phone but made sure to write the number down in a notebook, just in case." My advice - burn the notebook. Cutthroat but necessary!

Cold Remedies

I was sick all week with a cold that just wouldn't go away. I tried DayQuil and NyQuil, Tylenol Cold and Sinus, extra sleep, and hot tea. Nothing was working. Last night, I decided that I was sick of being in the apartment so I decided to go out with my girlfriends.

We went to Sway Lounge on the West Side. Immediately when I walked in I could feel the pressure leaving my head. As soon as Beyonce's song came blaring out of the DJ booth, my nose cleared up. By the time Lady Gaga was playing, my cold was gone.

Forget medicine for a cold; I recommend dancing!

Anti-Jiggle Application

Apparently the iPhone can do a lot more for you than make phone calls, hold fun games and music, and practically organize your entire life. In January it will also be able to work out your thighs and ass!! If you think I'm kidding just visit the iTunes store. Apple is releasing a new iPhone application that helps fight against cellulite, wrinkles, and works to promote multitudes of other anti-aging wonders.

How can a little hand held device do such an amazing task? Magic? No, it is done through color and light therapy for only $2.99.

Beat that Botox!

AntiAgeingApp
http://www.apple.com/itunes

The Uglier Truth

Last night, my roommate and I watched the movie The Ugly Truth with Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler. If any of you have heard about it, the movie discusses relationships between men and women and how to make them work, or at least how to get them started. It also touches on what men are looking for. I found the movie to be quite hilarious but it also had quite a few points that made a lot of sense.

1) Guys don't like girls who call them all of the time. They like them to be unavailable and busy which makes them feel like there is more of a chase.

2) Guys like breasts.

3) Most women are neurotic or slightly crazy.

4) Guys apparently like longer hair (I think I discussed this in one of my first blogs). They want something to pull on.

5) Guys like when women wear high heels.

6) Guys and girls want what they cannot have.

7) The girl usually falls for the guy that isn't good for her.

8) Guys are jerks a lot of the time.

9) When a guy finally starts to like a girl, she usually starts not liking him as much as she used to. (See point 6 above)

10) Gerard Butler and Eric Winter are both hot (The two leading men in the movie :) and neither would be a bad catch.

Dr. Douchebag

Today I found out from my mother that my old doctor from when I was a child was arrested. Why was he taken into police custody? He had child pornography on his computer and was also charged with corruption of minors. Sick bastard!

My sister, friends, and I always knew that there was something fishy about him. The creepy doctor just gave you a weird vibe and never looked at your face - he always talked directly to our chests - and we were all of 12 years old!

This is a lesson for everyone. Like Oprah says, always follow your gut reaction (even if you are only a teenager). That is one wise woman and he is one stupid disgusting man.

Obstacle Attraction

For about 75% of yesterday, my Gay Boyfriend and I bitched about men. At first we were done with them. Next, we loved them. Even later, we loathed them. What is it about us that can never seem to find a common ground between each other? We want them to communicate with us, they want us to stop talking. There are so many games that a person has to try to play to keep someone interested. It also ends up that the other person has to play them with you too so that you stay interested.

With all of these games and differences and obstacles, how do two people ever finally get together and stay together? Do they both just have to give in or give up? And since it is so hard to even find that right person, what types of games do you have to play to keep being a couple. Maybe if a couple can get through all of the games and obstacles first, it makes them a better couple in the long run - like winning a prize at the end of a race. It just all seems way too exhausting. There are girls like me out there that run around and say "I don't want a boyfriend." Is that because I really don't want one or because I don't feel like putting in the effort? It is kind of like going to the gym...it sounds like a good idea, it's just so much darn work!

Bah Humbug

Yesterday I shopped all day long in the "wintry mix" that was super disgusting and cold. After being unsuccessful at finding all of the gifts I wanted, I decided to shop for myself. The second that I started shopping for myself, my mood picked up and then I found the perfect gifts for everyone else!

This morning, I went shopping for the trimmings - cards, wrapping paper, and bows. I found great cards but then they ended up being too expensive ($24.00 for 18 cards?!). I found wrapping paper with snowflakes and cute bows and ribbon. It feels good to be mostly done with the majority of the shopping but I am still not in the holiday spirit yet. What do I need yet? Hot chocolate? Snow? Cookies? Until I figure that out, I will be Bah Humbug about the holidays. Sorry guys, no Christmas cheer from me today!

NYC Relaxation

Tonight, since we got the "wintery mix" that was predicted, I didn't feel like going out. I had been holiday shopping all day in the disgusting weather and was exhausted when I finally got home. A few of my friends suggested that I join them to go dancing or just go to a bar. I turned them down to watch sappy movies and drink wine by myself.

Even though I was too tired to go out, I still had the nagging feeling that maybe I should have. I often think that way when I stay inside for a night to relax and regroup. I think, this is New York! I should be out partying, taking in the excitement but how much is too much? On one hand the argument is that I am young and I should be out having fun. I have the rest of my life to watch movies and catch up on sleep. I also have a closet full of clothes and shoes that are dying to go out. On the other hand, while I am young, I still need to relax at least a little. Yes, I feel like I might be missing out a little because there are so many things to do in this city and so many people to run into. Do I just go go go until I can't go anymore, or is it worth a night in to relax and reflect that will keep me going even longer?

I did stay out last night until 4 in the morning, so I guess I shouldn't feel like I am missing out on too much.

Going Out Outfits

My friend at this very moment is debating skinny jeans or flared jeans. I don't think a guy or anyone else for that matter will say "Ohh she is wearing a flare jean, can't talk to her". This is a note for all of us girls who were taking too long to get ready this evening. It is very unlikely that anyone will notice, unless you are Lady Gaga and want to wear lace covering your face and balloons for a dress.

Get out there and dance it up, fares or skinnies.

Heavage

You might be wondering what my title means. Heavage stands for "Man Cleavage", men showing their man boobs and chests. You might also be wondering why I am writing about this. Not only did I see this on full display this morning on the train but The Cut reported on it today as well.

They talk about Moobs (Man Boobs) and Mipples (Man Nipples) and that the biggest controversy is whether to shave or wax or leave the chest hairy. It is true that girls have been doing it for years to get attention but is it really going to get men attention? Honestly when I saw the guy on the train with his button down unbuttoned to what was just above his belly, I was uncomfortable. Was he going to work like that? Could that be considered indecent exposure?

If you want a good laugh, read the article!

I Should Be Writing Holiday Cards...

But I haven't even had the chance to buy them yet. I have been so busy at work that I haven't had time to think about the holidays yet. I can't stand not being prepared for all of the gift giving and card sending that has to take place within the next few weeks. When I should be thinking about work and shopping, my mind has been preoccupied with boys...as usual.

Last night after work, I ran into Bartender Boy in the elevator. He was making small talk with me by asking if I was going home for the holidays. Through our short elevator conversation I found out a few things about him. He is from Albuquerque, New Mexico, he likes the puppy that he bought for his mother and is getting quite attached to him, and he is super cute. Well I guess that I already knew that one. I also might have heard more of what he was saying if I wasn't paying as much attention to his perfect smile and gorgeous eyes.

After we parted ways on the floor, I was so angry with myself for not asking him to grab a drink sometime. I was a little too nervous to ask him, which I normally do not have a problem doing. When I talked to my friend about it she immediately said "Shouldn't he ask you?" At first, I was taken aback by the comment and thinking that this is 2009 almost 2010, it is time for girls to ask the guys out but then I had another thought. There is something to say for the old school way of doing things. If he were to ask me to hang out with him, then I would know for sure that he is interested and I wouldn't be second guessing myself and it would just be sweet in general. Then another thought popped into my head. What if he is too scared to ask? Fate couldn't have brought us together at the Thompson Hotel and in our apartment building and then just let nothing happen right? Or does fate only bring us to the elevator part and then we have to create the rest of it?

Models and Cheeseburgers

As I was watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show tonight and starting to feel really short and fat, the show cut to a commercial. The commercial was for a fast food double decker cheeseburger. Honestly I think it could have been either the smartest or the dumbest product placement ever.

First of all, the dumbest idea because after watching 10 foot tall models strut their non-jiggling stuff down the runway the last thing someone wants to do is shove a double decker cheeseburger down their pie hole. The show makes you not even want to take a breath because the air might contain calories. I am praying that they just look that great because of high-tech television editing.

This could have also been the smartest idea ever. If you watch these models walk around in minimal clothes and they look amazing, yes, you might start to feel bad about yourself. Even if you don't start feeling depressed, you might just think "Well I can never look like that so Fuck It!" At that moment, someone might want to order a double decker cheeseburger.

Congrats McDonald's, Burger King, and Wendy's! You have just gained a whole new set of cheeseburger lovers :)