The "Play" In The LES

Last night I went on a date. I had met this guy a long time ago when he was a doorman on my street. He said that we were going to a "Play" in the Lower East Side. This is a warning for all of you girls who ever get asked to go to a "Play" in the Lower East Side.

Within the first 2 minutes there is full frontal nudity. There is also a pole dancer. 5 minutes later I still have no idea what is going on, but on the stage they bring out a large wooded gold painted penis. This penis also shoots confetti. At this point I was wishing that I was anywhere but here. I look around and see a very old woman next to me. To my horror, she is smiling and clapping at the nude man running around the stage. I still have no idea of what this "play" is about.

30 minutes in I am okay. I'm cracking jokes about it and not as uncomfortable as before. That is until the woman with the huge knockers comes out. I have never seen boobs so big in my life. They are bigger than my head and I am horrified. As we are nearing the end of the show I am still weirded out but thankful that it is ending. Then the cast runs into the crowd to grab people to come onstage. Of course, a random stripper comes up to me and pulls me by the arm and drags me out onto the stage. I am protesting the entire way. She starts waving my hands in the air and spinning me around. Thankfully I had already been disoriented while sitting in my seat. Why did we sit in the front again? I was cursing my date from the stage as he was sitting there laughing hysterically. 5 minutes later, the show was over and I still had no idea what it was all about.

Warning: Never go to a "play" in the Lower East Side. It will make you feel stupid because you have no idea what it's about, you will be horrified by the watermelon sized breasts, and you will be in a general state of shock after you leave.

PS) I went to the bathroom after the show and in the bathroom, the girl in the stall beside me stood up to pee. I might just suggest not going to the Lower East Side at all.